For sale: One des res nuclear bunker
Desk, chair, enamel bucket, BT landline
Anyone who's looking for a no-frills bolthole with a Cold War heritage might like to check out a 1959 vintage Royal Observer Corps nuclear bunker, set in "an elevated position with panoramic views over the Derbyshire Dales".
The winning eBay bidder for this prime piece of real estate will secure the 50 x 50ft plot above the bunker, another 16 x 16ft piece of land "which was the original site of the ROC hut", plus "desk, chair, siren box, enamel bucket" and a handy rope "for hauling heavy items up the shaft".
The interior consists of a chemical toilet and a "large monitoring room" measuring 15ft x 7ft 6ins.
There's no mains 'leccy - lighting being provided by a 12V system - but the facility does boast one luxury: a BT landline. Alternatively, you might like to do your communicating with the outside world via the original doomwatch teletalk device.
Bidding for the complex currently stands at £19,500 with just over six days to run on the auction. ®
"Can I interest you in double glazing?"
"No.. We don't have any windows."
"??. All houses have windows."
"This isn't a house."
"??. What is it?"
"A converted nuclear bomb shelter."
In the 80s...
... I'd planned, on surviving any conflagration, to get hold of some oxyacetylene welding gear and do a good job of welding up the doors of any bunkers I came across. I knew where most of the the local ones were.
Imaging the faces if you will, after the two weeks of self-imposed isolation is up.
"At last we can get out of this hell-hole and build a future, a bright future worthy of our position and importance. I declare this bunker now open..... What do you mean the door's stuck Carruthers? God damn it man, let me have a go.... OK chaps, anyone know how much food and water we have left?"
This is all a con. Whichever poor sod buys it and goes down the hatch will find an old Apple II into which they'll have to type 4-8-15-16-23-42 every 108 minutes for the next three years or the world will end.
"Des res" in both senses of the words, brother.
(Penguin 'cos there ain't no Swan).