Feeds

Large Hadron Collider to fire up again next Thursday

LHC-fearing tinfoilers braced for dimensional invasion

Intelligent flash storage arrays

Exclusive The Large Hadron Collider (LHC), most powerful particle-smasher ever assembled by the human race and possible portal to other dimensions, is to fire up its beams following the Xmas break in a week's time.

Official spokesmen for international particle-punishing science alliance CERN have thus far remained cagey about the exact date for the mighty machine's restart, but persons familiar with the matter tell the Reg that the 2010 proton billiards season is set to open on Thursday the 25th.

Our sources suggest that the initial beams will be relatively gentle 450 giga-electron-volt ones, for a mild 900 GeV collision energy. The following few weeks will see the Big Knob turned gradually up until the beams are at 3.5 tera-electron-volts and particles are thus colliding at 7 TeV.

The LHC is designed to go still further to a blistering 14 TeV, but boffinry chiefs fear that cranking it up that high might lead to another electro-blast liquid helium superfluid explosion disaster of the sort which crippled the LHC following its original startup in 2008. The plan is to run it this year at half power, hopefully beating the rival US Tevatron in the race to find the coveted Higgs boson, and then carry out modifications which will allow full-poke operations.

Next week's fire-up will also, of course, be the cue for a large cast of eccentric LHC-fearing doom prophets to clap tinfoil hat on head and dive under the bed - or, in the case of more hardline members of the anti-Collider movement, take more active measures. Our candidate for world champion heavyweight LHC-botherer, the man known simply as "Doctor Dark Energy", says he plans to obtain a nuclear weapon from Osama bin Laden and use it to take out CERN head Rolf Heuer - "and all his bigbangers".

We certainly hope he doesn't manage it: we here on the Reg dimensional-portal desk are looking forward to the advent of visitors from beyond our continuum, as forecast by top CERN boffin Sergio Bertolucci. Even if they are liable to be merely sub-subatomic, ultra-briefly-existing phenomena, rather than the possible teleporting juggernaut-tyrants from the Nth dimension. ®

Providing a secure and efficient Helpdesk

More from The Register

next story
GRAV WAVE DRAMA: 'Big Bang echo' may have been grit on the scanner – boffins
Exit Planet Dust on faster-than-light expansion of universe
Mine Bitcoins with PENCIL and PAPER
Forget Sudoku, crunch SHA-256 algos
SpaceX Dragon cargo truck flies 3D printer to ISS: Clawdown in 3, 2...
Craft berths at space station with supplies, experiments, toys
NASA rover Curiosity drills HOLE in MARS 'GOLF COURSE'
Joins 'traffic light' and perfect stony sphere on the Red Planet
'This BITE MARK is a SMOKING GUN': Boffins probe ancient assault
Tooth embedded in thigh bone may tell who pulled the trigger
DOLPHINS SMELL MAGNETS – did we hear that right, boffins?
Xavier's School for Gifted Magnetotaceans
Big dinosaur wowed females with its ENORMOUS HOOTER
That's right, Doris, I've got biggest snout in the prehistoric world
Japanese volcano eruption reportedly leaves 31 people presumed dead
Hopes fade of finding survivors on Mount Ontake
That glass of water you just drank? It was OLDER than the SUN
One MEELLION years older. Some of it anyway
prev story

Whitepapers

A strategic approach to identity relationship management
ForgeRock commissioned Forrester to evaluate companies’ IAM practices and requirements when it comes to customer-facing scenarios versus employee-facing ones.
Storage capacity and performance optimization at Mizuno USA
Mizuno USA turn to Tegile storage technology to solve both their SAN and backup issues.
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?
Beginner's guide to SSL certificates
De-mystify the technology involved and give you the information you need to make the best decision when considering your online security options.
Security for virtualized datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.