Feeds

How chavvy is your town? Find out with the ASBOrometer

Why can't it be more like a gay cruising app?

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

5 things you didn’t know about cloud backup

Just what you never knew you needed, the ASBOrometer, an app for iPhones and Android devices, which lets you know how many people with antisocial behaviour orders there are in your neighbourhood.

Here is an application to make you feel lucky and superior or depressed about impending ghettofication, for which we thank Jeff Gilfelt, a software developer, who scraped the info from data released by Direct.gov.

Britain is justifiably famous for its hooligans and we are inordinately proud of them when they go to war on our government's behalf. We shed collective tears when they fall in battle.

Other times, their noisy, chavvy ways annoy the crap out of the rest of us.

Yes, class warfare is alive and well in the UK, a country where the washed masses try and fail to corral a "feral underclass".

One weapon is the ASBO, a largely ineffective device intended to keep at bay thuggish teenagers and families from hell.

ASBOs are said by some to be a badge of honour, and their recipients are increasingly likely to be named and shamed. But how does one shame a shameless man?

You can't. What, then? This is where the ASBOrometer could come into its own. If we could combine something like Grindr, a gay cruising iphone app pimped by media luvvie Stephen Fry on Top Gear, with ASBO names, faces and possibly addresses, we have a tool that tells us when we should cross the road to the other side. Or organise a get-out-of-town party.

Let's drop the pretence that the Asbo is a civil legal instrument and place an electronic ankle tag on the offender - that's what they are, right? - and rig it up to his phone, which must be kept switched on at all times. Or else...

The essential guide to IT transformation

More from The Register

next story
So, Apple won't sell cheap kit? Prepare the iOS garden wall WRECKING BALL
It can throw the low cost race if it looks to the cloud
Samsung Gear S: Quick, LAUNCH IT – before Apple straps on iWatch
Full specs for wrist-mounted device here ... but who'll buy it?
Apple promises to lift Curse of the Drained iPhone 5 Battery
Have you tried turning it off and...? Never mind, here's a replacement
Now that's FIRE WIRE: HP recalls 6 MILLION burn-risk laptop cables
Right in the middle of Burning Mains Man week
HUGE iPAD? Maybe. HUGE ADVERTS? That's for SURE
Noo! Hand not big enough! Don't look at meee!
AMD unveils 'single purpose' graphics card for PC gamers and NO ONE else
Chip maker claims the Radeon R9 285 is 'best in its class'
prev story

Whitepapers

Endpoint data privacy in the cloud is easier than you think
Innovations in encryption and storage resolve issues of data privacy and key requirements for companies to look for in a solution.
Implementing global e-invoicing with guaranteed legal certainty
Explaining the role local tax compliance plays in successful supply chain management and e-business and how leading global brands are addressing this.
Advanced data protection for your virtualized environments
Find a natural fit for optimizing protection for the often resource-constrained data protection process found in virtual environments.
Boost IT visibility and business value
How building a great service catalog relieves pressure points and demonstrates the value of IT service management.
Next gen security for virtualised datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.