Feeds

How chavvy is your town? Find out with the ASBOrometer

Why can't it be more like a gay cruising app?

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Secure remote control for conventional and virtual desktops

Just what you never knew you needed, the ASBOrometer, an app for iPhones and Android devices, which lets you know how many people with antisocial behaviour orders there are in your neighbourhood.

Here is an application to make you feel lucky and superior or depressed about impending ghettofication, for which we thank Jeff Gilfelt, a software developer, who scraped the info from data released by Direct.gov.

Britain is justifiably famous for its hooligans and we are inordinately proud of them when they go to war on our government's behalf. We shed collective tears when they fall in battle.

Other times, their noisy, chavvy ways annoy the crap out of the rest of us.

Yes, class warfare is alive and well in the UK, a country where the washed masses try and fail to corral a "feral underclass".

One weapon is the ASBO, a largely ineffective device intended to keep at bay thuggish teenagers and families from hell.

ASBOs are said by some to be a badge of honour, and their recipients are increasingly likely to be named and shamed. But how does one shame a shameless man?

You can't. What, then? This is where the ASBOrometer could come into its own. If we could combine something like Grindr, a gay cruising iphone app pimped by media luvvie Stephen Fry on Top Gear, with ASBO names, faces and possibly addresses, we have a tool that tells us when we should cross the road to the other side. Or organise a get-out-of-town party.

Let's drop the pretence that the Asbo is a civil legal instrument and place an electronic ankle tag on the offender - that's what they are, right? - and rig it up to his phone, which must be kept switched on at all times. Or else...

Beginner's guide to SSL certificates

More from The Register

next story
Xperia Z3: Crikey, Sony – ANOTHER flagship phondleslab?
The Fourth Amendment... and it IS better
Don't wait for that big iPad, order a NEXUS 9 instead, industry little bird says
Google said to debut next big slab, Android L ahead of Apple event
Microsoft to enter the STRUGGLE of the HUMAN WRIST
It's not just a thumb war, it's total digit war
Ex-US Navy fighter pilot MIT prof: Drones beat humans - I should know
'Missy' Cummings on UAVs, smartcars and dying from boredom
Netscape Navigator - the browser that started it all - turns 20
It was 20 years ago today, Marc Andreeesen taught the band to play
A drone of one's own: Reg buyers' guide for UAV fanciers
Hardware: Check. Software: Huh? Licence: Licence...?
The Apple launch AS IT HAPPENED: Totally SERIOUS coverage, not for haters
Fandroids, Windows Phone fringe-oids – you wouldn't understand
Apple SILENCES Bose, YANKS headphones from stores
The, er, Beats go on after noise-cancelling spat
prev story

Whitepapers

Forging a new future with identity relationship management
Learn about ForgeRock's next generation IRM platform and how it is designed to empower CEOS's and enterprises to engage with consumers.
Why and how to choose the right cloud vendor
The benefits of cloud-based storage in your processes. Eliminate onsite, disk-based backup and archiving in favor of cloud-based data protection.
Three 1TB solid state scorchers up for grabs
Big SSDs can be expensive but think big and think free because you could be the lucky winner of one of three 1TB Samsung SSD 840 EVO drives that we’re giving away worth over £300 apiece.
Reg Reader Research: SaaS based Email and Office Productivity Tools
Read this Reg reader report which provides advice and guidance for SMBs towards the use of SaaS based email and Office productivity tools.
Security for virtualized datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.