Feeds

How chavvy is your town? Find out with the ASBOrometer

Why can't it be more like a gay cruising app?

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

High performance access to file storage

Just what you never knew you needed, the ASBOrometer, an app for iPhones and Android devices, which lets you know how many people with antisocial behaviour orders there are in your neighbourhood.

Here is an application to make you feel lucky and superior or depressed about impending ghettofication, for which we thank Jeff Gilfelt, a software developer, who scraped the info from data released by Direct.gov.

Britain is justifiably famous for its hooligans and we are inordinately proud of them when they go to war on our government's behalf. We shed collective tears when they fall in battle.

Other times, their noisy, chavvy ways annoy the crap out of the rest of us.

Yes, class warfare is alive and well in the UK, a country where the washed masses try and fail to corral a "feral underclass".

One weapon is the ASBO, a largely ineffective device intended to keep at bay thuggish teenagers and families from hell.

ASBOs are said by some to be a badge of honour, and their recipients are increasingly likely to be named and shamed. But how does one shame a shameless man?

You can't. What, then? This is where the ASBOrometer could come into its own. If we could combine something like Grindr, a gay cruising iphone app pimped by media luvvie Stephen Fry on Top Gear, with ASBO names, faces and possibly addresses, we have a tool that tells us when we should cross the road to the other side. Or organise a get-out-of-town party.

Let's drop the pretence that the Asbo is a civil legal instrument and place an electronic ankle tag on the offender - that's what they are, right? - and rig it up to his phone, which must be kept switched on at all times. Or else...

High performance access to file storage

More from The Register

next story
Report: Apple seeking to raise iPhone 6 price by a HUNDRED BUCKS
'Well, that 5c experiment didn't go so well – let's try the other direction'
Video games make you NASTY AND VIOLENT
Especially if you are bad at them and keep losing
Microsoft lobs pre-release Windows Phone 8.1 at devs who dare
App makers can load it before anyone else, but if they do they're stuck with it
Zucker punched: Google gobbles Facebook-wooed Titan Aerospace
Up, up and away in my beautiful balloon flying broadband-bot
Nvidia gamers hit trifecta with driver, optimizer, and mobile upgrades
Li'l Shield moves up to Android 4.4.2 KitKat, GameStream comes to notebooks
Gimme a high S5: Samsung Galaxy S5 puts substance over style
Biometrics and kid-friendly mode in back-to-basics blockbuster
AMD unveils Godzilla's graphics card – 'the world's fastest, period'
The Radeon R9 295X2: Water-cooled, 5,632 stream processors, 11.5TFLOPS
Sony battery recall as VAIO goes out with a bang, not a whimper
The perils of having Panasonic as a partner
NORKS' own smartmobe pegged as Chinese landfill Android
Fake kit in the hermit kingdom? That's just Kim Jong-un-believable!
prev story

Whitepapers

Mainstay ROI - Does application security pay?
In this whitepaper learn how you and your enterprise might benefit from better software security.
Five 3D headsets to be won!
We were so impressed by the Durovis Dive headset we’ve asked the company to give some away to Reg readers.
3 Big data security analytics techniques
Applying these Big Data security analytics techniques can help you make your business safer by detecting attacks early, before significant damage is done.
The benefits of software based PBX
Why you should break free from your proprietary PBX and how to leverage your existing server hardware.
Mobile application security study
Download this report to see the alarming realities regarding the sheer number of applications vulnerable to attack, as well as the most common and easily addressable vulnerability errors.