Feeds

Vomit cannon to protect vessels from pirates, paparazzi

Mercenaries ward off jacuzzi nipslip threat with puke ray

Intelligent flash storage arrays

Seagoing Scottish mercenaries/security operatives say they have deployed a radical laser puke-ray weapon aboard shipping transiting the pirate-plagued Gulf of Aden. The device may also be used on paparazzi by reclusive superyacht owners.

The Scotsman reports that ProForm Marine, a company run by ex-Royal Marine commandos and police officers, has provided its "SeaLase" weapon to an unnamed "500ft-long ship" which will be passing through the gulf "next month".

ProForm says it "works closely with superyacht owners and shipping companies" to protect vessels from "Paparazzi, Piracy and terrorism". The firm's management adds it can draw on a "pool of former Royal Marines to assist in 24-hour marine security".

Apart from teams of former commandos, the company also offers technological solutions to shipowners worried about piracy or muckraking tabloid snappers. It offers the "Sea Owl" thermal camera system, intended to work with a ship's radar to zoom in on possibly-threatening radar blips and positively identify them - in much the same way as the radar-linked cameras used in military reconnaissance drones.

Now, however, the Scotsman reports that ProForm has partnered with Finnish firm Arctic Photonics to promote "Lasersec". The multicoloured raygun "affects the vision" of its victims, making them feel "nauseous and disorientated". The designers claim an effective range of 4km.

There would seem to be some similarities here with the so-called "Dazer" handheld belly-scrambler weapons now offered for sale in America; not to mention similar vom-rays under development by the US Department of Homeland Security and the US Navy. Nonetheless, Lasersec describe their gear as "the only Laser based threat deterrent system designed specifically for the needs of the commercial sector".

Despite the current emphasis on Somali freebooters reaving shipping headed to or from the Bab-el-Mandeb strait at the foot of the Red Sea (the only way to reach the Suez canal from the Indian Ocean), one may note that Lasersec/ProForm have recently opened an office in Monaco - one of the main centres of the superyacht biz.

It may just be that the chunder-culverin will spend as much time tackling the paparazzo threat as it does pirates. Rather than administering a dazzling sickener to buccaneering Africans bent on plunder, it will instead leave intrusive snappers floundering in pools of their own regurgitated dinner; their plans to garner a lucrative billionaire's-concubine jacuzzi nipslip shot frustrated.

Reportedly, the hurl-howitzer has been shortlisted for the "John Logie Baird Awards for innovation". ®

Providing a secure and efficient Helpdesk

More from The Register

next story
SECRET U.S. 'SPACE WARPLANE' set to return from SPY MISSION
Robot minishuttle X-37B returns after almost 2 years in orbit
No sail: NASA spikes Sunjammer
'Solar sail' demonstrator project binned
LOHAN crash lands on CNN
Overflies Die Welt en route to lively US news vid
You can crunch it all you like, but the answer is NOT always in the data
Hear that, 'data journalists'? Our analytics prof holds forth
Experts brand LOHAN's squeaky-clean box
Phytosanitary treatment renders Vulture 2 crate fit for export
Carry On Cosmonaut: Willful Child is a poor taste Star Trek parody
Cringeworthy, crude and crass jokes abound in Steven Erikson’s sci-fi debut
Origins of SEXUAL INTERCOURSE fished out of SCOTTISH LAKE
Fossil find proves it first happened 385 million years ago
America's super-secret X-37B plane returns to Earth after nearly TWO YEARS aloft
674 days in space for US Air Force's mystery orbital vehicle
prev story

Whitepapers

Forging a new future with identity relationship management
Learn about ForgeRock's next generation IRM platform and how it is designed to empower CEOS's and enterprises to engage with consumers.
Cloud and hybrid-cloud data protection for VMware
Learn how quick and easy it is to configure backups and perform restores for VMware environments.
Three 1TB solid state scorchers up for grabs
Big SSDs can be expensive but think big and think free because you could be the lucky winner of one of three 1TB Samsung SSD 840 EVO drives that we’re giving away worth over £300 apiece.
Reg Reader Research: SaaS based Email and Office Productivity Tools
Read this Reg reader report which provides advice and guidance for SMBs towards the use of SaaS based email and Office productivity tools.
Security for virtualized datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.