World braces for Lindsay Lohan sex tape
47 seconds of 'adult activity' set for net premiere
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Lindsay Lohan is said to be "devastated" that a 47-second video of her indulging in "adult activity" with a member of the opposite sex is about to get a worldwide internet release.
The perpetrator of the kiss-and-tell outrage is reportedly "a waiter with a well-known chain restaurant" who has punted the clip to Hustler for £100k. He's apparently been told he cannot - for copyright reasons - profit from the footage, so it looks likely to end up on some "offshore" smutmongering website from where it will be disseminated without impediment to a delighted world.
An unnamed inside source told the Daily Mirror: "This video file is dynamite. It is pretty seedy and shows Lindsay engaged in a particular sex act which, obviously, should remain behind closed doors.
"Lindsay was desperate to start 2010 off on a good footing and this is the very last thing she needs. If and when it is released on the internet, via a spurious, unofficial website, there is absolutely nothing she or her lawyers can do about it."
The insider added: "She is devastated - particularly as she is working hard on cleaning up her act. Lindsay has just made a serious documentary on child poverty in India for the BBC, she is terrified this will be put in jeopardy now. It is fair to say that Lindsay has had a pretty torrid past 24 hours."
Whether Lohan's torrid 47 seconds affect her attempt to become the next Mother Teresa remains to be seen, but she can take solace from the fact that "One Night In" Paris Hilton's career positively benefited from her own amateur grumble flick.
Down in the internet's malodorous sewers, meanwhile, spammers are already busy tempting punters with offers of an eyeful of Lohan, although we suspect the video will eventually reveal it's Lohan who gets the eyeful, if we've correctly interpreted the Mirror's description of the sex act in question. ®
COMMENTS
Re: You are being short sighted
I believe Paris accrued what is known as a fuckstack of cash in the years since the vid. She really made it work for her - she's very nifty in playing up to people's preconceptions about her. Not that I think she's secretly a classical scholar - she's just embraced a certain public image in a clever (and quite brave) way. She was lucky because she wasn't very well known at the time, and wasn't trying to be taken seriously as an actress. Since people's opinion of her is generally low, she plays to that, and knows that it can be an advantage - when people expect little of you as a frivolous slut, you can only surprise them.
It's sad for Lohan because she's trying to clean up her image and doesn't have that clean slut-slate advantage that Paris did. She's going to have to just er, take it on the chin, and wait for it to blow over.
Oof, I see what I done there. What a mess.
So it's a blowjob vid
Which means what you're really watching is 47 grainy seconds of some gonzo's manky cock.
Hold me back.
Commando Limbo
A number of years ago Mrs Cowherd and I were holidaying on St Lucia. During the requisite limbo competition one young lady was *most* reluctant to join in. The reason became glaringly obvious when, after much haranguing by the host she eventually did.
The *really* funny bit was the bloke next to us filming it all on his camcorder. He didn't bat an eyelid, just kept on filming. I assume the viewfinder didn't have the resolution to show what had been revealed, and as there were no TVs in the rooms he wouldn't see her in all her glory until he got home.
I get this image of him inviting all of his friends and elderly relatives round to look at his holiday vid......
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