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BeautifulPeople ejects post-Xmas fatties

Begone, turkey-stuffed lardarses

Internet Security Threat Report 2014

BeautifulPeople.com's beautiful users have turned on those unwise enough to admit they've overdone it on the turkey and pud over Xmas, and as a result 5,000 newly-lardy members of the "sexiest website in the world today" have been given their marching orders.

According to the BBC, the victims were "singled out after posting pictures of themselves that reportedly showed they had put on pounds over the holiday period". They were fingered by the user police who apparently patrol the site to ensure standards are maintained, and management moved to show them the door, which had presumably been widened for the occasion.

Site founder Robert Hintze declared: "As a business, we mourn the loss of any member, but the fact remains that our members demand the high standard of beauty be upheld. Letting fatties roam the site is a direct threat to our business model and the very concept for which BeautifulPeople.com was founded."

The heavyweight rejects were mostly from Canada, the UK and the US of A, which puts a serious dent in Blighty's representation among the world's most lovely specimens. Since Brits were first allowed to apply for membership back in 2005, 295,000 have made their pitch, but a mere 12 per cent of men and 15 per cent of women have come up to scratch.

Quite unbelievably, this hack ranks among those deemed unsuitable to rub shoulders with the planet's genetic elite, despite my best efforts. ®

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