Feeds

They said what? Quotes of the Year

The urbane, the insane...

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Internet Security Threat Report 2014


“The last thing anyone wants is to be thought of as the sort of person Stephen wouldn't invite to his lovely Norfolk home for the weekend along with Richard Dawkins, Emma Thompson and Alan Davies”

Satire site Daily Mash has the measure of Twitter's most-followed bully, Stephen Fry. Twitter cemented its reputation as the No.1 social network where has-been celebs enforce forelock-tugging respect, and marketing consultants and nontrepreneurs can wash their consciences clean.


“ We know with certainty that we know fuck-all ”

How science works: climate scientist Ed Cook writing to CRU's Treemometer Expert, Ed Briffa, in 2003. It was one of thousands of emails exposed in the Climategate files. Cook was referring to trends over 100 years - but for skeptics, it sums up the state of the "science". More on Briffa here [bonus mailbag goodness here], and the Climategate scandal here.

“It can accumulate a cash hoard of tens of millions of dollars while charging companies to buy back their own names and then listing everything in exactly the order it would have been had no one bid at all.”

Analyst Eric Clemons pretty much has the measure of Google's business strategy.

Or as Fake Steve put it, "Google has become what Microsoft used to be — the evil dicks who look around, find some area where people are making money, and say, Hey, fuck it, we’re bored, so let’s do the same thing for free and put those guys out of business."

“Lets say now we're off Weymouth in 2012 and we're doing the Olympic games, and we suddenly find a boat... [carrying] a bunch of topless lovelies, heading around having had too much to drink”

Lord Alan West, the security minister. AKA Lord Bournemouth (West of Spithead), and the former head of the Royal Navy. West was explaining the possible uses for a net-flinging "futuristic bazooka", developed by the Home Office Scientific Development Branch. We doubt it was developed with any other purpose in mind, other than finding a boat of topless lovelies who'd had too much to drink.


“It’s just that I can never work up the energy to be interested in other people. Male or female. I just can’t stand them. Not. At. All. Also, with sex, there’s the touching thing, and with that the germ thing.”

Fake Steve explains why Bimbo Eruptions never happen to Steve Jobs.

Well, what did we miss? Let us know. ®

Providing a secure and efficient Helpdesk

More from The Register

next story
Doctor Who's Flatline: Cool monsters, yes, but utterly limp subplots
We know what the Doctor does, stop going on about it already
Facebook, Apple: LADIES! Why not FREEZE your EGGS? It's on the company!
No biological clockwatching when you work in Silicon Valley
'Cowardly, venomous trolls' threatened with TWO-YEAR sentences for menacing posts
UK government: 'Taking a stand against a baying cyber-mob'
Happiness economics is bollocks. Oh, UK.gov just adopted it? Er ...
Opportunity doesn't knock; it costs us instead
Arab States make play for greater government control of the internet
Nerds told to get lost in last-minute power grab bid at UN meeting
Zippy one-liners, broken promises: Doctor Who on the Orient Express
Series finally hits stride, but Clara's U-turn is baffling
Don't bother telling people if you lose their data, say Euro bods
You read that right – with the proviso that it's encrypted
Apple SILENCES Bose, YANKS headphones from stores
The, er, Beats go on after noise-cancelling spat
prev story

Whitepapers

Forging a new future with identity relationship management
Learn about ForgeRock's next generation IRM platform and how it is designed to empower CEOS's and enterprises to engage with consumers.
Why cloud backup?
Combining the latest advancements in disk-based backup with secure, integrated, cloud technologies offer organizations fast and assured recovery of their critical enterprise data.
Win a year’s supply of chocolate
There is no techie angle to this competition so we're not going to pretend there is, but everyone loves chocolate so who cares.
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?
Intelligent flash storage arrays
Tegile Intelligent Storage Arrays with IntelliFlash helps IT boost storage utilization and effciency while delivering unmatched storage savings and performance.