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3 billion have suffered Slade's 'Merry Xmas Everybody'

Noddy Holder tortures 42 per cent of world's population

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The PRS for Music has chillingly announced that Slade's Merry Xmas Everybody could have been heard by 42 per cent of the world's population - a cool three billion souls whose lives have been enriched by Noddy Holder and chums' ubiquitous Yuletide anthem.

The song has apparently already been enjoyed in 47 countries around the globe this year, prompting PRS chairman to comment:

Songwriters aiming to produce a top Christmas track need to be able to relate and curb the feeling of the nation at that time. Those songs which have stood the test of time, such as Slade’s 'Merry Xmas Everybody', were built on a foundation to sum up the festive and cheerful season. Whilst the song lives on to tantalise offices, workplaces and playgrounds everywhere, it will go on to live alongside the great effigies of the Christmas sprit.

Well, the only "effigy of the Christmas spirit" you'll see at Vulture Central is a huge representation of Santa formed from empty whisky bottles - Reg hacks' traditional homage to the season of goodwill.

While we're doing our bit for a brighter nativity, Noddy Holder has some advice as to how aspiring songwriters might contribute to the good cheer, while lining the PRS's pockets for years to come. He said: “Let’s have some good up-tempo and lifting-the-spirits type Xmas songs. Most songwriters tend to concentrate on the sadder approach. No more melancholy, ‘tis the season to be jolly jolly! No more Bah Humbug! So says Santa Holder." ®

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For the benefit of the other 58 per cent who haven't been exposed to Holder et co, here's the boys in all their early 70s glory.

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