Feeds

'Doctor Dark Energy': The Ultimate LHC eccentric?

Only Osama can stop 'collaptic devil particle'

Secure remote control for conventional and virtual desktops

Nutjob Friday There are many interesting questions to be asked regarding the Large Hadron Collider, most powerful matter-rending machine ever assembled by the human race. Will it discover the elusive Higgs Boson? Will it open up an interdimensional portal into some mysterious continuum beyond our own? Will it, perhaps, destroy the world and/or entire universe in a deadly planetary soupening mishap?

But this is the Reg and this is Friday too, so we have chosen to focus on a related but different question. Namely, who is the world champion heavyweight eccentric LHC-fearing doomsday prophet?

It had been widely thought among connoisseurs of the tinfoilclad community's work that, taken all around, the world number 1 was probably Walter L Wagner. The colourful Hawaii-based botanist, lawyer, and soi-disant physicist even went so far as to mount a lawsuit in federal court attempting to get the Collider shut down, despite the fairly basic objection that US beaks have no jurisdiction over the machine.

But little has been heard from Wagner for some time. He has, too, had other things on his plate: an ongoing bitter legal battle with the board at his former workplace, the World Botanical Gardens in Hawaii, which has seen millions of dollars in damages awarded against him in civil cases and indictments on criminal charges. It's not the first time Wagner's been in trouble with the law, either: he did jail time back in the 1970s after violating restraining orders granted to a woman he was stalking.

We have had some contributions from Wagner's confederate Luis Sancho on the comments pages here, which are quite good of their type: but Wagner seems to have been the brains of that outfit, really. And the recent appeal by internationally allied doomsayers to the UN is a bit dull, too.

It's been left to one of the world's keenest amateur LHC watchers, Chris Stephens of LHC Portal fame, to come up with a new contender: and he has done so. Chris writes:

I have found the ultimate LHC Tin Foil Hatter. I know, I know ... that's saying a lot.

Chris offers for your consideration Ivan Gorelik. Here's his website, from which we've culled a few choice bits:

Attention! Magnetic trap of Devil!

Some theorists suggest that the Higgs bosons will be registered at the LHC ... Higgs boson had received a new name, "the God particle". We know that the most of particles have their corresponding antiparticles. So, if there is a particle of God, then there is a particle of Devil.

By adding the colliding energy, we can get the God particle and its anti-particle, the magnetic trap of Devil ... the magnetic hole captures the substance and transforms its rest mass-energy into another form of matter, - the magnetic field of the Devil's trap. Say me now, are we have the right to touch the particle of God?

Top 5 reasons to deploy VMware with Tegile

More from The Register

next story
Antarctic ice THICKER than first feared – penguin-bot boffins
Robo-sub scans freezing waters, rocks warming models
I'll be back (and forward): Hollywood's time travel tribulations
Quick, call the Time Cops to sort out this paradox!
Your PHONE is slowly KILLING YOU
Doctors find new Digitillnesses - 'text neck' and 'telepressure'
Reuse the Force, Luke: SpaceX's Elon Musk reveals X-WING designs
And a floating carrier for recyclable rockets
NASA launches new climate model at SC14
75 days of supercomputing later ...
Britain's HUMAN DNA-strewing Moon mission rakes in £200k
3 days, and Kickstarter moves lander 37% nearer takeoff
prev story

Whitepapers

Go beyond APM with real-time IT operations analytics
How IT operations teams can harness the wealth of wire data already flowing through their environment for real-time operational intelligence.
5 critical considerations for enterprise cloud backup
Key considerations when evaluating cloud backup solutions to ensure adequate protection security and availability of enterprise data.
Getting started with customer-focused identity management
Learn why identity is a fundamental requirement to digital growth, and how without it there is no way to identify and engage customers in a meaningful way.
Reg Reader Research: SaaS based Email and Office Productivity Tools
Read this Reg reader report which provides advice and guidance for SMBs towards the use of SaaS based email and Office productivity tools.
Simplify SSL certificate management across the enterprise
Simple steps to take control of SSL across the enterprise, and recommendations for a management platform for full visibility and single-point of control for these Certificates.