iFarter begs Apple for rational App Store
Holding your breath? There's no app for that
First Apple came for the fart apps, and I did not speak out because I was not an insufferable twat.
Then Apple came for the Nancy Pelosi Bobblehead app, and I did not speak out — because seriously, a bobblehead app? Are you kidding me?
Then Apple came for the "ka-ching" button app — and, hmmm...there probably is in fact something rotten in Apple's iPhone app approval process, considering what other crap gets accepted.
— "Ode to Joel Comm," by Anonymous
Joel Comm - a developer of iPhone applications so mind-bogglingly pointless that the public can't help but to gobble them down like so much swill in a sty - is calling on Cupertino to finally get its app approval story straight.
Comm is no stranger to the receiving end of Apple's rejection stamp. Back in 2008, Apple was leery about even letting cyber-fart simulations join the beveled graces of the iTunes store, citing the "limited utility" of digital whoopee cushions. Apple eventually relented, and Comm's "iFart Mobile" app went on to fame, glory and several hundred thousand downloads. Comm's "add-on" pack for iFart was also refused.
Other well-spun rejections, like Apple turning away a "Nancy Pelosi Bobblehead" app has caused a stir in the app developer community.
Now Comm has submitted a "Ka-ching" button app that — yes — makes a cash register noise when you press it. Wonderful. Takes all kinds to make a crazy old world. But Apple has turned its nose up at the idea, saying the app's singular purpose has "minimal user functionality" for iPhone owners.
That policy would make a scrap of sense if it weren't for some of the other apps that Apple has approved in the past. Tor example, as Comm points out, a "Hallelujah" button app was approved that — you guessed it — does exactly what Comm's app does but with a different sound effect.
Nobody outside the Apple compound knows exactly what swinging of dead cats and tossing of darts goes into the iPhone app approval process. Whatever it is, clearly there's a very schizophrenic team working behind the curtain.
Comm is now fighting back exactly the way you'd expect a loyal Apple fan would: by complimenting Steve Jobs for being named Fortune Magazine's "Man of the Decade" on a YouTube video before asking very nicely for some consistency in the app approval process on behalf of "developers everywhere."
"It's not asking much to have the process fair and more transparent so we know what's going on," he said. "Remember, we are investing our time, money, and resources into helping build your platform for all of us."
The fickle app store approval process has been a major sticking point for many developers. Some even are vowing to quit the platform over Apple's often confusing policy.
By the way, Apple also acted exactly the way you'd expect to our query over whether it would consider laying out its app approval process plainly to developers. It has not responded to our calls - as of publication. ®
Correction This article previously stated that Comm was responsible for the Nancy Pelosi app. Comm has informed us this was incorrect.