Feeds

LHC dimensional apocalypse from midnight: Your thoughts

Aliens, gov planetbuster boffins, many others write in

Security for virtualized datacentres

'My god - it's full of boobies!'

Sir Sham Cad argued convincingly that the case is already proven, noting our earlier coverage of the LHC losing power following an attack by feathered saboteurs.

I think the best proof we have that the LHC is actually going to open a doorway to a universe of Gollum-esque Space Nazis is that our future selves have sent back armies of avian agents armed with baked goods and strategic maps of weak points in the structure in order to prevent the invasion that wiped out all the fish in 2048.

Events to date were interpreted in quite another fashion, however, by bRick.

We already know it doesn't work- because in one of the parallel universes the LHC wouldn't have had that glitch that we had last September...

So if it had worked that dimension would have already invaded ours ages ago.

Others noted that dimensional portal invasion is a game that two can play, and that the best form of defence is attack. chris 251 said:

Maybe they know exactly what they are going to create and we have an invasion force ready and waiting to go in hard on some unsuspecting alternative dimensional species.

you never know! however, the chances are we are we are doomed!

We didn't notice a secret international taskforce of special-forces interdimensional shock troops massing around Geneva during our recent visit to the LHC, but perhaps they had already mustered in their subterranean beachhead. It's a comforting thought.

Others felt that the possible destruction of the universe was a small price to pay for quality entertainment and/or scientific knowledge, and joined the aliens in deploring the amount of handwringing going on. A bold anonymous coward wrote:

If the world come to an end. So what.

If we open a gateway to another dimension? Cool but so what they will be as tired of us as we are of them. Besides its a tiny tiny tiny speck for a fraction of a second. I doubt anyone in this other dimension would notice it.

CERN! Rock on.

A cheerful note was injected by Paul_Murphy, who had possibly wandered in from another forum altogether - or possibly not. Anyway, he raised a point that everyone else had missed.

'My god - it's full of boobies!'

Of course we will be wanting pictures

Which left everyone stumped. It was left to an anonymous Geneva resident - though a Brit by the sound of him - to introduce some sound, rational thinking to the discussion and offer us all a sensible way ahead.

In the incredibly remote possibility of a black hole being created, might as well go down with a pint in hand.

Good advice, we say, for this or indeed any other weekend. We'll certainly be taking it.

Just before heading out to the pub, however, we would note that the LHC is only firing up full beams tomorrow, not doing any collisions. The very worst that could happen in the event of a mishap would be a so-called "beam dump" in which a beam would be diverted like a runaway truck down a side tunnel and blast into a specially-prepared water-cooled and intensively shielded graphite block buried deep underground.

The actual collisions - and with them all the good stuff - don't start until 3 December, according to CERN's openly-readable secret schedule. We'll keep you posted.

Until then, have a good weekend. ®

Security for virtualized datacentres

More from The Register

next story
Boffins who stare at goats: I do believe they’re SHRINKING
Alpine chamois being squashed by global warming
What's that STINK? Rosetta probe shoves nose under comet's tail
Rotten eggs, horse dung and almonds – yuck
Comet Siding Spring revealed as flying molehill
Hiding from this space pimple isn't going to do humanity's reputation any good
Kip Thorne explains how he created the black hole for Interstellar
Movie special effects project spawns academic papers on gravitational lensing
Experts brand LOHAN's squeaky-clean box
Phytosanitary treatment renders Vulture 2 crate fit for export
LONG ARM of the SAUR: Brachially gifted dino bone conundrum solved
Deinocheirus mirificus was a bit of a knuckle dragger
Moment of truth for LOHAN's servos: Our US allies are poised for final test flight
Will Vulture 2 freeze at altitude? Edge Research Lab to find out
prev story

Whitepapers

Why cloud backup?
Combining the latest advancements in disk-based backup with secure, integrated, cloud technologies offer organizations fast and assured recovery of their critical enterprise data.
A strategic approach to identity relationship management
ForgeRock commissioned Forrester to evaluate companies’ IAM practices and requirements when it comes to customer-facing scenarios versus employee-facing ones.
Security for virtualized datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.
Reg Reader Research: SaaS based Email and Office Productivity Tools
Read this Reg reader report which provides advice and guidance for SMBs towards the use of SaaS based email and Office productivity tools.
New hybrid storage solutions
Tackling data challenges through emerging hybrid storage solutions that enable optimum database performance whilst managing costs and increasingly large data stores.