Feeds

LHC dimensional apocalypse from midnight: Your thoughts

Aliens, gov planetbuster boffins, many others write in

High performance access to file storage

'My god - it's full of boobies!'

Sir Sham Cad argued convincingly that the case is already proven, noting our earlier coverage of the LHC losing power following an attack by feathered saboteurs.

I think the best proof we have that the LHC is actually going to open a doorway to a universe of Gollum-esque Space Nazis is that our future selves have sent back armies of avian agents armed with baked goods and strategic maps of weak points in the structure in order to prevent the invasion that wiped out all the fish in 2048.

Events to date were interpreted in quite another fashion, however, by bRick.

We already know it doesn't work- because in one of the parallel universes the LHC wouldn't have had that glitch that we had last September...

So if it had worked that dimension would have already invaded ours ages ago.

Others noted that dimensional portal invasion is a game that two can play, and that the best form of defence is attack. chris 251 said:

Maybe they know exactly what they are going to create and we have an invasion force ready and waiting to go in hard on some unsuspecting alternative dimensional species.

you never know! however, the chances are we are we are doomed!

We didn't notice a secret international taskforce of special-forces interdimensional shock troops massing around Geneva during our recent visit to the LHC, but perhaps they had already mustered in their subterranean beachhead. It's a comforting thought.

Others felt that the possible destruction of the universe was a small price to pay for quality entertainment and/or scientific knowledge, and joined the aliens in deploring the amount of handwringing going on. A bold anonymous coward wrote:

If the world come to an end. So what.

If we open a gateway to another dimension? Cool but so what they will be as tired of us as we are of them. Besides its a tiny tiny tiny speck for a fraction of a second. I doubt anyone in this other dimension would notice it.

CERN! Rock on.

A cheerful note was injected by Paul_Murphy, who had possibly wandered in from another forum altogether - or possibly not. Anyway, he raised a point that everyone else had missed.

'My god - it's full of boobies!'

Of course we will be wanting pictures

Which left everyone stumped. It was left to an anonymous Geneva resident - though a Brit by the sound of him - to introduce some sound, rational thinking to the discussion and offer us all a sensible way ahead.

In the incredibly remote possibility of a black hole being created, might as well go down with a pint in hand.

Good advice, we say, for this or indeed any other weekend. We'll certainly be taking it.

Just before heading out to the pub, however, we would note that the LHC is only firing up full beams tomorrow, not doing any collisions. The very worst that could happen in the event of a mishap would be a so-called "beam dump" in which a beam would be diverted like a runaway truck down a side tunnel and blast into a specially-prepared water-cooled and intensively shielded graphite block buried deep underground.

The actual collisions - and with them all the good stuff - don't start until 3 December, according to CERN's openly-readable secret schedule. We'll keep you posted.

Until then, have a good weekend. ®

High performance access to file storage

More from The Register

next story
IBM Hursley Park: Where Big Blue buries the past, polishes family jewels
How the internet of things has deep roots in the English countryside
Video games make you NASTY AND VIOLENT
Especially if you are bad at them and keep losing
Russian deputy PM: 'We are coming to the Moon FOREVER'
Plans to annex Earth's satellite with permanent base by 2030
Solar-powered aircraft unveiled for round-the-world flight
It's going to be a slow and sleepy flight for the pilots
LOHAN's Punch and Judy show relaunches Thursday
Weather looking good for second pop at test flights
Honeybee boffin STINGS OWN WEDDING TACKLE... for SCIENCE
Not the worst place to be stung, says one man
India's GPS alternative launches second satellite
Closed satnav system due to have all seven birds aloft by 2016
Curiosity finds not-very-Australian-shaped rock on Mars
File under 'messianic pastries' and move on, people
prev story

Whitepapers

Mainstay ROI - Does application security pay?
In this whitepaper learn how you and your enterprise might benefit from better software security.
Five 3D headsets to be won!
We were so impressed by the Durovis Dive headset we’ve asked the company to give some away to Reg readers.
3 Big data security analytics techniques
Applying these Big Data security analytics techniques can help you make your business safer by detecting attacks early, before significant damage is done.
The benefits of software based PBX
Why you should break free from your proprietary PBX and how to leverage your existing server hardware.
Mobile application security study
Download this report to see the alarming realities regarding the sheer number of applications vulnerable to attack, as well as the most common and easily addressable vulnerability errors.