Original URL: http://www.theregister.co.uk/2009/11/07/week_in_review/
El Reg shrinks seven days onto one webpage
Attention span not required
Week in Review As a service to our with readers with (particularly) short attention spans, we at The Reg have squeezed the week that was into a single webpage. Or at least most of it. Before your attention drifts elsewhere, we should get to it:
Jimmy Wales  is awarded a €10,000 prize, Carly Fiorina  stands for US Senate, Esther Dyson  gets NASA gig, Bill Gates  is serenaded by Bono, H Ross Perot Jr  loses his rhino, Anna Friel  avoids ralph, a Minnesota mum-to-be  plans TV labor, and Vint Cerf envisions shared mobile airwaves , prepares for interplanetary interwebs , and says that Google doesn't know who you are .
Metrotextuals come out of the closet , the terminally ill are happier if they abandon hope , net-using Yanks misplace their friends , animal lovers rally to defend irradiated monkeys , and people who search rather than browse the web remember more  of what they find.
US unemployment tops ten per cent  while chips sales upgrade from terrible to bad . Nokia Siemens cuts 6,000 jobs , Microsoft axes 800 , and Novell trims between 100 and 130 . Fujitsu workers in the UK plan to strike .
Cisco Systems, EMC, and VMware announce a partnership  while Cisco plays hardball  with Tandberg. GFI Software buys SORBS , T-Mobile and Orange ink a merger agreement , and the Rackable-SGI combo posts  revenue gains while profits dip.
Cisco's profits slip 19 per cent  while the company predicts better days ahead, Adaptec's CEO faces ucertain furure after dreadful results , and GlobalFoundries chairman Hector Ruiz takes a "voluntary" leave of absence .
IBM gives i/OS a facelift , discounts its Power engines , and embarrasses itself when the Congestion Charge system crashes , a unified communications software demo flops , and Texas dumps  its IBM-provided voter registration system.
Apple's Steve Jobs is honored as Fortune's CEO of the Decade  after Cupertino is accused  then unaccused  of killing Atom support in its next OS rev. A Mac game deletes a file  every time a player destroys an alien ship.
The iPhone gets Marvel Comics , 100,000 apps , a data-gobbling bug , a cool reception  in China, and a vague rumor  about its next iteration. A new hack  sets it free and a Dutch hacker relents  on his threat to extort jailbreakers.
HTC launches  a WinMo phone, Motorola's upgraded Droid will be called the Milestone  in Europe, and The Reg reviews the Sony Ericsson S312 , T-Mobile Pulse , and Samsung Galaxy i7500 . Sony Ericsson renames 'Rachael' the Android Xperia .
Nokia will shut down N-Gage , T-Mobile says there's money to be made  in mobile service, Opera betas a Symbian browser , and Orange's iPhone won't save you money  but the company will pay cash for old kit .
Most touchscreen users want buttons , a fifth of iPhone users watch porn  on their handhelds, and the Advertising Standards Authority says that the depiction of "STRONG REAL SEX" is not pornographic .
Yanks  and fruit bats  enjoy oral sex, a Hong Kong truckdriver is a manipulative cad  (even in Lego form ), orgasms can cause amnesia , hot-tub injuries are skyrocketing , and the Irish brogue is globally acknowledged to be the world's sexiest accent . Explosive diarrhoea is no excuse  for exposing yourself in your truck.
The European Commission is poised to recommend black boxes for cars , Peugeot's BB1 e-car is bound for Blighty , Gordon Mrray is jumping aboard  the e-car bandwagon, and an electric superbike  debuts in Las Vegas.
New laptop designs appear from Asus  and Dell , VIA shows new netbook/notebook CPUs , and Asus demos  its redesigned Eee Keyboard (but its 'smartbook' will be delayed ). E-readers appear from Creative Labs , Sony , and Bookeen , and Litl shows off a "netbook appliance ".
For just $99 you can enhance your social standing with a Twitter-only  pocket pal.
Blade servers are hot , ScaleMP frees SMP clusters  from the need for InfiniBand, 3Leaf makes big SMPs  out of x64 clusters, Quanta invests  in Tilera's 100-core chip plans, Liquid Computing moves toward commodity x64 iron , and Yahoo! open sources  its back-end software.
Vigin Airlines embraces cloud computing , Unisys launches a private cloud line , RightScale unveils  a new Cloud Management Platform, Microsoft chops cloud costs , and IBM launches a free public beta  of a new cloud computing development and test environment hosted on its own machines.
Red Hat rolls out  its bare-metal Enterprise Virtualization hypervisor, Skype confirms  that Skype for Linux will be open sourced in "the nearest future", Karmic Koala frustrates  early adopters, the latest Moblin version adds nettop support , and a Linux bug  gives untrusted users root access.
Security scares include ransomware-style malware , Facebook zombieware , newfangled cookie attacks , and user accounts exposed by backdoor security holes  in Facebook and MySpace. A senior FBI tech says that facial recognition is useless , a judge sanctions a lawyer for leaking 179 people's personal details  in an electronic court brief, and the Israeli secret service hacked into a Syrian official's laptop  to obtain nuke-plant secrets.
Olympic ticket scams  are already underway, the founder of BetOnSports received four years in the slammer , a cable modem modder  faces up to to 20 years in prison, and two men have been accused of breaking into the computer system  of their former employer - a simple feat, seeing as how the company didn't bother to delete their passwords. A minimum of five British police forces have suffered major computer failures  during the past year as a result of malicious internet attacks.
That is all. ®