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Boinkfest clicks 'Delete' on woman's memory

Orgasmic amnesia

Internet Security Threat Report 2014

If your weekend plans include a frisky horizontal mambo, you might want to first tape your ID card to the bedstead.

After a rousing ride on the baloney pony, you may need a bit of help rediscovering who you are - as was the case for one American woman.

As reported by the Telegraph, a woman identified only as Alice - no last names, please - had her memory reinitialized by a presumably stimulating romp with her husband, Scott.

After the duo's sweaty success, the couple switched on the TV, which was covering - as was every media outlet during August 2008 - the Beijing Olympics. "Is there an Olympics?" Alice asked Scott.

As the astute Scott recounted to CNN: "I saw that something was wrong, so I asked her, 'OK what day is it?'" This temporal tidbit eluded abstracted Alice.

Scott then upped the investigative ante and asked her who the US president was. Possibly exhibiting as much denial as amnesia, Alice replied: "Bill Clinton."

Although reports fail to mention either Scott or Alice's party affiliation, this failure to identify Dubya as the then-occupant of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue prompted hubby to call an ambulance.

At hospital the meds first thought that Alice had suffered a stroke, but further testing revealed her to be a victim of transient global amnesia (TGA), a rare but blessedly benign form of temporary memory loss more common in people over 50. Alice was an obviously vital 59 year old.

One of TGA's well-identified causes is identified by the Mayo Clinic as "sexual intercourse" - although, oddly, the Clinic doesn't specifically mention any other form of orgasmic jollity as a TGA trigger. (Which is good news for short-nosed fruit bats.)

The Mayo meds also note that TGA can be provoked by being dunked in cold or hot water, vigorous physical activity, invasive medical procedures, and gloom-inducing "bad news, conflict, or overwork".

From that menu, we'd order of the brisk bout of boinking, thankyouverymuch.

Alice's memory soon returned, and all is well with her and Scott. Fortunately for Alice - and, we must assume, Scott - the Mayo Clinic reports that addition bouts of TGA are "unlikely" in the same victim.

But aging roués be warned. TGA may be lurking in your future, waiting to make you forget your delivery route or mistake your stepdaughter for your wife.

On the plus side, however, we now know how Drew Barrymore and Adam Sandler concluded each of their 50 First Dates. ®

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