Feeds

Eat my dust - it's time for Comment of the Week

Bring your conjecture to the slaughter

Next gen security for virtualised datacentres

CoTW Good afternoon, parasites. I expect after a long hard week of aggravating wittering on the Reg threads you'd like nothing better than to sit back and enjoy a nice hot drink and a bit of a blowback of said burblings, eh?

Well, don't say I never do anything for you. Here is the inaugural Comment of the Week, with the promised trinket of a delicious oozy Camel Ball care of Lester 'Dubious Confectionery' Haines to the least rubbish of all your expectorated gobbits of think.

It was a difficult task to choose a winner, chiefly because days frequently pass without a single authentic witticism occurring across the entire site, and because I am so wearied by my Sisyphean endeavours that most days Dylan Moran himself could cavort across my desk reading from History's Most Laughingest Hilarities and I would not be able to summon a smile. But these were alright, I suppose.

The sorry tale of one Tory's dismissal of an entire county's Googling abilities gave rise to a faintly amusing back'n'forth. Gianni Straniero confidently asserted:

This is a simple linguistic problem. The verb "to google" beans [sic] "to throw stones at the moon" in the dialect of Norfolk.

Which not entirely idiotic if slightly hastily posted tidbit in turn provoked this impish combined typo-snook and outrageous pun-stretch from TeeCee.

Are there lots of wiggly roads there too? I'm just wondering if the bends justify the beans.....

Very good, TeeCee. You win nothing.

The Science Museum's pedestalising of the X-ray as the best invention ever of all time (of all time) inevitably found you making your own suggestions. Because you always know better, don't you? This was N2's succinct if not unpredictable response explaining his own top three inventions:

1. Beer

2. Petrol

3. Lycra

It was something about the Lycra, y'know? Remarkable subtlety for these parts. One thumb up - momentarily and not very far up in the scheme of things, but up nonetheless.

Now let us get down to it. The Friday-tabulous 'dirtiest PC' story is where we find our comment heaven, or at least a slightly less icky square foot of purgatory.

Christopher P. Martin, seer, was quite correct in suggesting from the off: "Brace yourself for the 'That's nothing, I once saw a PC that...' style replies."

There did indeed follow a self-aggrandising barrage of cat hair, a torrent of nicotine, a sprinkling of turmeric, some bits of old sandwich and a metric fuckload of dead skin, dried bodily fluids and finely powdered cow dung. But the one comment which succeeded in wringing a smirk out of the assembled Reg toilers belonged to our old friend Anonymous Coward, whose way with a story twist is worthy of early M Night Shyamalan:

In the distant past, I repaired a desktop PC from a brick works, it had a thick layer of brick dust completely covering the motherboard!

Thank you, AC. You are a true artist. A delicious Camel Ball will be on its way to you.

What have we learned this first week, all ye preparing to open your mouths in mewling outrage? That busting a gut in attempts to impress me with any amount of linguistic high-wire unicycling will get you nowhere. But it will amuse me to see you try. Go on, dust off your harlequin bodysuit and silly hat. There is unappetisingly-named bubblegum at stake. ®

The essential guide to IT transformation

More from The Register

next story
MEN WANTED to satisfy town full of yearning BRAZILIAN HOTNESS
'Prettier, better organised, more harmonious than if men were in charge'
Cops baffled by riddle of CHICKEN who crossed ROAD
'Officers were unable to determine Chicken's intent'
Yes, but what are your plans if a DRAGON attacks?
Local UK gov outs most ridiculous FoI requests...
Drunkards warned: If you can't walk in a straight line, don't shop online, you fool!
Put it away boys. Cover them up ladies. Your credit cards, we mean
Why your mum was WRONG about whiffy tattooed people
They're a future source of RENEWABLE ENERGY
Murder accused DIDN'T ask Siri 'how to hide my roommate'
US court hears of cached browser image - not actual request
Chomp that sausage: Brits just LOVE scoffing a Full Monty
Sales of traditional brekkie foods soar as hungry folk get their mitts greasy
prev story

Whitepapers

5 things you didn’t know about cloud backup
IT departments are embracing cloud backup, but there’s a lot you need to know before choosing a service provider. Learn all the critical things you need to know.
Implementing global e-invoicing with guaranteed legal certainty
Explaining the role local tax compliance plays in successful supply chain management and e-business and how leading global brands are addressing this.
Backing up Big Data
Solving backup challenges and “protect everything from everywhere,” as we move into the era of big data management and the adoption of BYOD.
Consolidation: The Foundation for IT Business Transformation
In this whitepaper learn how effective consolidation of IT and business resources can enable multiple, meaningful business benefits.
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?