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You too can become a Taoist Mao Shan master

Handy Reg step-by-step guide to achieving enlightenment

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Internet Security Threat Report 2014

The shock news earlier this week that a Chinese truck driver had persuaded an 18-year-old aspiring model that he was a Taoist Mao Shan master with the power to grant her catwalk success - providing she indulged in ritual sex - prompted many readers to enquire how they too might achieve the same kind of spiritual enlightenment.

Well, we're always eager to oblige, and here's our four-step guide demonstrating just how it's done:

Our four-step Playmobil guide to becoming a Taoist master

1: Obtain Chinese truck driving licence.

2: Persuade wide-eyed model to polish your magic gearstick.*

3: Indulge in ritual rumpy-pumpy.

4: Get model up the duff, and yourself righteously cuffed.

Simple as that. ®

Bootnote

*Those of you living in Ohio might want to try this alternative step 2: Persuade both your stepdaughter and wife to polish your magic gearstick, and mark them out of 10...

The alternative Playmobil stage two

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All of El Reg's Playmobil magic can be found right here.

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