Feeds

You too can become a Taoist Mao Shan master

Handy Reg step-by-step guide to achieving enlightenment

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

The Power of One Infographic

The shock news earlier this week that a Chinese truck driver had persuaded an 18-year-old aspiring model that he was a Taoist Mao Shan master with the power to grant her catwalk success - providing she indulged in ritual sex - prompted many readers to enquire how they too might achieve the same kind of spiritual enlightenment.

Well, we're always eager to oblige, and here's our four-step guide demonstrating just how it's done:

Our four-step Playmobil guide to becoming a Taoist master

1: Obtain Chinese truck driving licence.

2: Persuade wide-eyed model to polish your magic gearstick.*

3: Indulge in ritual rumpy-pumpy.

4: Get model up the duff, and yourself righteously cuffed.

Simple as that. ®

Bootnote

*Those of you living in Ohio might want to try this alternative step 2: Persuade both your stepdaughter and wife to polish your magic gearstick, and mark them out of 10...

The alternative Playmobil stage two

Related stories

All of El Reg's Playmobil magic can be found right here.

Seven Steps to Software Security

More from The Register

next story
NSA man: 'Tell me about your Turkish connections'
Spooks ask Dabbsy to suggest a nice hotel with pool
Carlos: Slim your working week to just three days of toil
'Midas World' vision suggests you retire later, watch more tellie and buy more stuff
Motorist 'thought car had caught fire' as Adele track came on stereo
'FIRE' caption on dashboard prompts dunderheaded hard shoulder halt
Brit Rockall adventurer poised to quit islet
Occupation records broken, champagne corks popped
Accused! Yahoo! exec! SUES! her! accuser!, says! sex! harassment! never! happened!
Allegations were for 'financial gain', countersuit claims
Yahoo! Japan! launches! service! for! the! dead!
If you're reading this email, I am no longer alive
Plucky Rockall podule man back on (proper) dry land
Bold, barmy Brit adventurer Nick Hancock escapes North Atlantic islet
Japanese artist cuffed for disseminating 3D ladyparts files
Printable genitalia fall foul of 'obscene material' laws
prev story

Whitepapers

Top three mobile application threats
Prevent sensitive data leakage over insecure channels or stolen mobile devices.
Implementing global e-invoicing with guaranteed legal certainty
Explaining the role local tax compliance plays in successful supply chain management and e-business and how leading global brands are addressing this.
Top 8 considerations to enable and simplify mobility
In this whitepaper learn how to successfully add mobile capabilities simply and cost effectively.
Application security programs and practises
Follow a few strategies and your organization can gain the full benefits of open source and the cloud without compromising the security of your applications.
The Essential Guide to IT Transformation
ServiceNow discusses three IT transformations that can help CIO's automate IT services to transform IT and the enterprise.