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Oz driver prangs ute during 'amorous activities'

'I was not ****ing his ****', insists female passenger

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An Oz woman suspected of having caused a 33-year-old man to prang his ute has strenuously denied she was administering him oral pleasure at the time of the crash.

According to the Northern Territory News, police believe "amorous activities" were behind the crash last week in Humpty Doo*, in which the driver of a Toyota Hilux was "distracted by the female passenger and veered into a concrete drain on the opposite side of the road".

Police Duty Superintendent John Emeny said: "It is believed that the driver and his passenger were engaged in amorous activities at the time of the accident. Whilst there may be a humorous element to this incident there is also a very serious one and that is the devastating consequences that can result from inattentive driving."

The vehicle was "extensively damaged", and the owner charged with an impressive roster of "drink driving, driving without due care and unlicenced driving".

A couple of days later, though, the alleged todger-sucker inisted that the injury across her chest caused by her seat belt proved she had not been bent double at the moment of impact.

Allyson White, in a truly magnificent outburst, told the Northern Territory News: "I was not ****ing his **** - and it's pretty obvious that wasn't the case ... you only have to look at the mark on my chest. Clearly I had my seat belt on, so it's impossible I'd be leaning over ****ing his ***** unless he is hung like a donkey or I've got a ******* rubber neck."

She continued: "If it was true I'd just cop it sweet and think 'how embarrassing, I got caught ****ing someone's ****'. But it is not true and that's what is p***ing me off. It didn't happen like that at all - he was just going too fast."

She did, though, admit: "It may have looked bad when police first arrived as my 'girls' were hanging out all over the place. I also had a $5 note wedged between my boobs so they probably just assumed I was a sex worker or something ... but $5 is a bit cheap for a **** job."

Readers can see White's injury, her impressive "girls" and her evident penchant for beer and cigarettes right right here. ®

Bootnote

*Yup, you really couldn't make this up.

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