Feeds

Oz driver prangs ute during 'amorous activities'

'I was not ****ing his ****', insists female passenger

Top 5 reasons to deploy VMware with Tegile

An Oz woman suspected of having caused a 33-year-old man to prang his ute has strenuously denied she was administering him oral pleasure at the time of the crash.

According to the Northern Territory News, police believe "amorous activities" were behind the crash last week in Humpty Doo*, in which the driver of a Toyota Hilux was "distracted by the female passenger and veered into a concrete drain on the opposite side of the road".

Police Duty Superintendent John Emeny said: "It is believed that the driver and his passenger were engaged in amorous activities at the time of the accident. Whilst there may be a humorous element to this incident there is also a very serious one and that is the devastating consequences that can result from inattentive driving."

The vehicle was "extensively damaged", and the owner charged with an impressive roster of "drink driving, driving without due care and unlicenced driving".

A couple of days later, though, the alleged todger-sucker inisted that the injury across her chest caused by her seat belt proved she had not been bent double at the moment of impact.

Allyson White, in a truly magnificent outburst, told the Northern Territory News: "I was not ****ing his **** - and it's pretty obvious that wasn't the case ... you only have to look at the mark on my chest. Clearly I had my seat belt on, so it's impossible I'd be leaning over ****ing his ***** unless he is hung like a donkey or I've got a ******* rubber neck."

She continued: "If it was true I'd just cop it sweet and think 'how embarrassing, I got caught ****ing someone's ****'. But it is not true and that's what is p***ing me off. It didn't happen like that at all - he was just going too fast."

She did, though, admit: "It may have looked bad when police first arrived as my 'girls' were hanging out all over the place. I also had a $5 note wedged between my boobs so they probably just assumed I was a sex worker or something ... but $5 is a bit cheap for a **** job."

Readers can see White's injury, her impressive "girls" and her evident penchant for beer and cigarettes right right here. ®

Bootnote

*Yup, you really couldn't make this up.

Secure remote control for conventional and virtual desktops

More from The Register

next story
Facebook's Zuckerberg in EBOLA VIRUS FIGHT: Billionaire battles bug
US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention contacted as site supremo coughs up
Space exploration is just so lame. NEW APPS are mankind's future
We feel obliged to point out the headline statement is total, utter cobblers
Win a year’s supply of chocolate (no tech knowledge required)
Over £200 worth of the good stuff up for grabs
Down-under record: Australian gets $140k for pussy
'Tiffany' closes deal - 'it's more common to offer your wife', says agent
Internet finally ready to replace answering machine cassette tape
It's a simple message and I'm leaving out the whistles and bells
Swiss wildlife park serves up furry residents to visitors
'It's ecological' says spokesman, now how would you like your Bambi done?
The iPAD launch BEFORE it happened: SPECULATIVE GUFF ahead of actual event
Nerve-shattering run-up to the pre-planned known event
STONER SHEEP get the MUNCHIES after feasting on £4k worth of cannabis plants
Baaaaaa! Fanny's Farm's woolly flock is high, maaaaaan
FedEx helps deliver THOUSANDS of spam messages DIRECT to its Blighty customers
Don't worry Wilson, I'll do all the paddling. You just hang on
Red Bull does NOT give you wings, $13.5m lawsuit says so
Website letting consumers claim $10 cash back crashes after stampede
prev story

Whitepapers

Forging a new future with identity relationship management
Learn about ForgeRock's next generation IRM platform and how it is designed to empower CEOS's and enterprises to engage with consumers.
Why cloud backup?
Combining the latest advancements in disk-based backup with secure, integrated, cloud technologies offer organizations fast and assured recovery of their critical enterprise data.
Win a year’s supply of chocolate
There is no techie angle to this competition so we're not going to pretend there is, but everyone loves chocolate so who cares.
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?
Intelligent flash storage arrays
Tegile Intelligent Storage Arrays with IntelliFlash helps IT boost storage utilization and effciency while delivering unmatched storage savings and performance.