Feeds

Aussie Sex Party in evangelist head-to-head

Sex, satanism, sacrifice...oh my

Internet Security Threat Report 2014

The stage is set for an epic confrontation this weekend, as Christian evangelists and members of the Australian Sex Party go head to head on Mount Ainslie near Canberra.

The story began back in August, when radical Minister Danny Nalliah blogged about disturbing goings-on atop Mount Ainslie, at a site overlooking the Federal Parliament Building. Nalliah, who had previously claimed that a spate of bush fires were God’s vengeance for abortion laws, told how a friend had made a disturbing discovery on a school visit to this site.

He wrote: "One of the students, who was not a Christian, came up to my Pastor friend and said, 'there is blood all over the concrete slab under the tower'. This got the attention of many students and when they looked further, it was indeed fresh blood splattered all over the slab. The students were absolutely shocked as was my friend, who explained that it was some sort of sacrifice."

After consulting with a born-again tour guide, Nalliah’s friend determined that this was the result of witches’ covens carrying out sacrifices on the mountain top in an attempt to influence the policies of government.

Alarmed beyond belief, Nalliah declared war on the witches, satanists and assorted evil spirits involved. On 27 September, he called on all Christians to commence a 21-day period of fasting and abstinence. This would culminate on Saturday 17 October 2009 with "an offensive spiritual warfare attack on the demonic strongholds over the nation".

He wrote: "Christians from all over the nation will gather on top of Mount Ainsley in Canberra from 2pm to 5pm. We are calling a special afternoon of United Spiritual Warfare Prayer, Repentance, and Prophetic Worship."

It did look like one in the eye for the Satanists, until the Australian Sex Party - who are not at all impressed by Christian fundamentalist views on issues such as contraception, sex education and gay rights - decided to stick an oar in on behalf of constitutional rights.

They too will be up on Mount Ainslie this Saturday, to protest the influence that they consider radical religious groups are having on federal politics. According to Party Convenor Fiona Patten, the federal Parliamentary Privileges Committee should also attend the rally to ensure that MPs were not in any way threatened in the line of duty by the nature of what she described as an "exorcism".

She said: "The Privileges Committee has the power to sit while Parliament is in recess and we would strongly suggest that the Chair, George Brandis, should come up and mingle with the crowds.

"If a God-fearing member of Parliament is threatened with 'eternal damnation' for voting in favour of gay marriage, this is clearly as much of a contempt as any other threat to an MP."

In a tactic that may further inflame passions, the Sex Party has announced that its answer to the alleged blood sacrifices carried by witches’ covens is its very own "blood sacrifice in the form of a halel [sic] sausage and kofta ball sizzle".

They also intend to unveil a specially commissioned painting that deals with the issue of blood sacrifices, religious influence and the federal parliament.

Luckily for all concerned, Samhain (October 31) is still two weeks away. Otherwise, the resulting conflagration – involving fundamental Christians, Sex Party workers, and Satanists – could well be beyond the bounds even of our own Playmobil expert to illustrate. ®

Bootnote

A picture of the site of the alleged sacrifice was taken by Danny Nalliah, a slightly larger version of which is available on a special witchcraft edition of the Australian Sex Party newsletter. The object in question appears to be a large block of stone that has been heavily stained by some unspecified substance. Beyond claims made by the evangelists themselves, we are aware of no serious allegations of sacrifice or witchcraft being investigated by the local police.

Remote control for virtualized desktops

More from The Register

next story
Criticism of Uber's journo-Data Analytics plan is an Attack on DIGITAL FREEDOM
First they came for Emil – and I'm damn well SPEAKING OUT
'It is comforting to know where your data centres are.' UK.GOV does NOT
Plus: Anons are 'wannabes', KKK says, before being pwned
Google's whois results say it's a lousy smut searcher
Run whois google.com or whois microsoft.com. We dare you, you PIG◙◙◙◙ER
Holy vintage vehicles! Earliest known official Batmobile goes on sale
Riddle me this: are you prepared to pay US$180k?
'Open source just means big companies can steal your code.' O RLY?
Plus: Flame of the Week returns, for one night only!
NEWSFLASH: It's time to ditch dullard Facebook chums
Everything hot in tech, courtesy of avian anchor Regina Eggbert
Hey, you, PHONE-FACE! Kickstarter in-car mobe mount will EMBED your phone into your MUG
Stick it on the steering wheel and wait for the airbag to fire
prev story

Whitepapers

Driving business with continuous operational intelligence
Introducing an innovative approach offered by ExtraHop for producing continuous operational intelligence.
Why CIOs should rethink endpoint data protection in the age of mobility
Assessing trends in data protection, specifically with respect to mobile devices, BYOD, and remote employees.
Getting started with customer-focused identity management
Learn why identity is a fundamental requirement to digital growth, and how without it there is no way to identify and engage customers in a meaningful way.
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?
Simplify SSL certificate management across the enterprise
Simple steps to take control of SSL across the enterprise, and recommendations for a management platform for full visibility and single-point of control for these Certificates.