Feeds

Almighty rumpus in Swedish lesbian enclave

Drunken Welshmen cop a pink pasting

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

The Power of One Brief: Top reasons to choose HP BladeSystem

The news earlier this week that Chinese state news agency Xinhua had identified a hitherto unknown lesbian enclave buried deep in the forests of northern Sweden prompted sceptical commenters to demand photographic evidence of the sapphic paradise.

Well, ever eager to oblige, we've quite amazingly got hold of a photograph of a major rumpus at the woodland entrance to "Chako Paul City". Click on the pic for a bigger version, and read on...

Amazing scenes at the entrance of Chako Paul City

As Xinhua reported, the city is indeed guarded by two security operatives, augmented here by a member of the Mediaeval Order of Saint Navratilova. The Order's duties are mainly ceremonial - including guarding the revered Holy Merkin of Louise Brooks - but they can evidently roll out some serious firepower if the inviolability of Chako Paul City is threatened.

To the right of the checkpoint, two more blonde Nordic gender police have taken down a perving theatre fan who's just attempted to capture popular thesp and TV lesbo-snog vet Anna Friel's exposed assets on his mobile phone. Quite what Friel was doing naked in the woods is anyone's guess, but her agent assured El Reg it was "entirely artistically justifiable".

A shaken Friel is seen taking to her heels, while a member of the city's horse-mounted Ellen DeGeneres Division moves to cover her rear.

To the left, a roving radical Islamic cleric has just exploded with indignation at the sight of a Chako Paul City export container which he believes contains Artificial Virginity Hymens destined for Egypt.

In fact, it holds nothing more sinister than budget flat-pack pine furniture from the popular Agnetha Åse Fältskog range of bedside tables.

Last, but far from least, we have the main reason for the security kerfuffle: a couple of drunken Welshman who've each sunk ten pints of herring-flavoured vodka and tried to pick a fight with two passers-by in the belief that they could at worst be a couple of crossing-dressing cage fighters.

Unfortunately for them, their intended victims are actually black belts from the Chato GLB Ninja Assassin and Kickboxing Academy, who are treating the lads to the pasting of a lifetime. Jacques Chirac's exiled chien diabolique Sumo, meanwhile, is taking the opportunity to help himself to one of the boyo's undefended 'nads.

And that's just about it, except to say that if you're looking for pictures from inside Chako Paul City, you're out of luck. There's no way our man was going to chance his arm, even in a stag-night transvestite outfit, and the Xinhua photographer seen at bottom right has got distracted from his mission to penetrate the enclave and is grabbing some pics of our own snapper in the belief that he's one of the famous excessively tall photographers which, as Chinese legend tells, have been hunted to near extinction by UK police under the Prevention of Photographing Stuff, Anywhere, Act (2009). ®

Related stories

El Reg's world-famous Playmobil coverage can be found right here.

Seven Steps to Software Security

More from The Register

next story
NSA man: 'Tell me about your Turkish connections'
Spooks ask Dabbsy to suggest a nice hotel with pool
Russia sends SEX-CRAZED GECKOS to SPAAAAACE!
In space... no one can hear you're green...
Carlos: Slim your working week to just three days of toil
'Midas World' vision suggests you retire later, watch more tellie and buy more stuff
Motorist 'thought car had caught fire' as Adele track came on stereo
'FIRE' caption on dashboard prompts dunderheaded hard shoulder halt
Yahoo! Japan! launches! service! for! the! dead!
If you're reading this email, I am no longer alive
Plucky Rockall podule man back on (proper) dry land
Bold, barmy Brit adventurer Nick Hancock escapes North Atlantic islet
OKCupid: OK, STUPID, yes we set you up with BAD DATES on purpose
Tests show 'myth of compatibilty as good as truth'
prev story

Whitepapers

Designing a Defense for Mobile Applications
Learn about the various considerations for defending mobile applications - from the application architecture itself to the myriad testing technologies.
Implementing global e-invoicing with guaranteed legal certainty
Explaining the role local tax compliance plays in successful supply chain management and e-business and how leading global brands are addressing this.
Top 8 considerations to enable and simplify mobility
In this whitepaper learn how to successfully add mobile capabilities simply and cost effectively.
Seven Steps to Software Security
Seven practical steps you can begin to take today to secure your applications and prevent the damages a successful cyber-attack can cause.
Boost IT visibility and business value
How building a great service catalog relieves pressure points and demonstrates the value of IT service management.