Feeds

How to host your very own Windows 7 launch party

Microsoft channels Tupperware rep

The Essential Guide to IT Transformation

So you've got your trusty laptop warmed up with a fresh copy of Windows 7, decked the halls with balloons and streamers, and sent invitations to an exhaustively multicultural clutch of friends for a single night of red-hot OS release revelry.

You're nearly ready for your own Microsoft-sponsored Windows 7 launch party this Ocotber! Yet one problem remains: How does one keep a group of reasonably intelligent adults entertained by a computer operating system for an entire evening without falling back on the usual harmful, hateful, sexually explicit, lewd, pornographic, and inflammatory party behavior that's loved by all but forbidden by the Launch Party terms and conditions?

Fear not, Microsoft just happens to have a monopoly on Windows launch party planning — and there's not a damn thing the crybabies at the European Union can do about this one. The software giant offers several commercials [organic, grass roots YouTube videos filmed by an epileptic] showing how average folk just like you and me can experience near-orgasmic fun and giggles while presenting a Windows 7 sales pitch to the friends who once trusted you.

Set your brains to stun:

Hosting your party

Here we are introduced to a stunningly diverse group of friends recalling how they ran their own Windows 7 party. Great Microsoft commercial. Or greatest?

Examples of how a launch party should be coordinated according to this one include: allow mingling for the first half-hour, then lead a "totally informal" overview of your favorite Windows 7 features. It's a great way to "get things going" before breaking into a more detailed rundown of applications. Yes!

"Windows 7 is really all about the computer user, making everyday tasks more simple, working the way we all really want to do, and making new things possible," says soccer mom lady in a doomed effort to deliver the line naturally. "This really is our launch*."

"You're right," answers older age-group market lady mugging at the camera and raising a toast. "So it ought to be a party, have fun out there!"

Piracy is pretty cool in Windows 7, guys

In this video, we see Microsoft advocating music piracy by showing how fun and easy a CD rip-and-burn party can be with Windows 7."

"If you enjoyed the music tonight — and I certainly hope you have — you ought to take it home with you," says the bespectacled Windows party protagonist to his freeloading comrades. "So, c'mon, let me walk you through how to burn a CD and then I'll let you each burn your own!"

To be fair, we actually don't know what music these people listened too. They could have jammed to songs published in 1922 or earlier and have been perfectly within their public domain rights within the USA. If indeed Microsoft was implying they all walked home with a copy of "You're a Grand Old Flag" in their pockets and we missed it, we apologize.

Easily impressed

Another key here is apparently having friends who are very, very easily impressed.

"Cool!" exclaims one woman upon seeing how using an operating systems search tool can be used to search for an application. Warning: Dictating a sentence with a text-to-speech feature may cause seizures and blackouts from the sheer excitement.

We can't stand any more, but you can check out the entire video lineup at Microsoft's Launch Party YouTube channel. ®

Boost IT visibility and business value

More from The Register

next story
Thirteen Astonishing True Facts You Never Knew About SCREWS
Threaderick the Great! And YES, we asked the Arapaho
NSA man: 'Tell me about your Turkish connections'
Spooks ask Dabbsy to suggest a nice hotel with pool
Russia sends SEX-CRAZED GECKOS to SPAAAAACE!
In space... no one can hear you're green...
Indian techies-in-training face down MAN-EATING LEOPARD - and WIN
Big cat causes big trouble at Mumbai college
Too rich for an iPhone 6? How about a gold-plated Brikk?
Not lobbed at your head, silly – a bling phone
Carlos: Slim your working week to just three days of toil
'Midas World' vision suggests you retire later, watch more tellie and buy more stuff
Yahoo! Japan! launches! service! for! the! dead!
If you're reading this email, I am no longer alive
Plucky Rockall podule man back on (proper) dry land
Bold, barmy Brit adventurer Nick Hancock escapes North Atlantic islet
Motorist 'thought car had caught fire' as Adele track came on stereo
'FIRE' caption on dashboard prompts dunderheaded hard shoulder halt
prev story

Whitepapers

Implementing global e-invoicing with guaranteed legal certainty
Explaining the role local tax compliance plays in successful supply chain management and e-business and how leading global brands are addressing this.
Consolidation: The Foundation for IT Business Transformation
In this whitepaper learn how effective consolidation of IT and business resources can enable multiple, meaningful business benefits.
Backing up Big Data
Solving backup challenges and “protect everything from everywhere,” as we move into the era of big data management and the adoption of BYOD.
Boost IT visibility and business value
How building a great service catalog relieves pressure points and demonstrates the value of IT service management.
Why and how to choose the right cloud vendor
The benefits of cloud-based storage in your processes. Eliminate onsite, disk-based backup and archiving in favor of cloud-based data protection.