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Average Brit shags 2.8m people

'Sex Degrees of Separation'

Internet Security Threat Report 2014

The average Brit shags 2.8m people during his or her lifetime, albeit indirectly, according to a handy "Sex Degrees of Separation" calculator from Lloyds Pharmacy.

According to the Telegraph, the calculator uses data gleaned from 6,000 British adults, with blokes on average boasting nine sexual partners, and women 6.3 lovers.

Users are invited to enter their total number of conquests, and the age range for each - no mean feat of memory if you've put it about a bit. The calculator then "uses its database to work out how many previous sexual partners people within that age range have had on average".

This process is repeated for five further "generations", giving the Sex Degrees of Separation and summarised by the total number of "indirect and direct sexual partners".

In case you're wondering just what purpose this serves - apart from breathing new life into the traditional Monday morning office banter - "Get lucky over the weekend?" "Yeah, indirectly rogered three thousand, four hundred and eleven people on Saturday night" - Lloyds Pharmacy's sexual health supremo, Clare Kerr, can enlighten:

"When we have sex with someone, we are, in effect, not only sleeping with them, but also their previous partners and their partners' previous partners, and so on. It's important that people understand how exposed they are to sexually transmitted diseases and take appropriate precautions including using condoms and having checks when necessary."

Said checks might include (and here comes the plug) the £75 Lloyds Pharmacy's Relationship Screen - a postal clap probe which "provides a convenient way for couples to be tested for HIV, genital chlamydia and genital gonorrhoea before committing to full intimacy."

Kerr concluded: "A simple sexual health check will give both partners in a relationship peace of mind. The majority of sexually transmitted diseases are easy to rectify, but if left untreated can have serious implications." ®

Bootnote

We reckon the Relationship Screen is, while a great step forward in avoiding the pox, just about the ultimate passion killer. Her: "I've had a great evening. You know, you can stay the night if you want to..." Him: "Yeah, I really am in the mood to commit to full intimacy, but if you can just provide me with saliva and urine samples, we can pencil in some torrid sex for sometime next week."

And no, we don't know how Lloyds Pharmacy came up with the 2.8m average. We suspect it's just an impressive-looking number designed to lure gullible hacks into writing a story about... Oh, blast.

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