Suicide bum-blast bombing startles Saudi prince
Fundamentalist fundament mentalist strikes
Anal-ysis It has emerged that a fanatical al-Qaeda suicide terrorist attempted to kill a Saudi interior minister last month by concealing a bomb up his bottom (the terrorist's, not the minister's). The strategy backfired, so to speak, as the bum-bomber's own body muffled the deadly arse-blast and his target escaped with only minor injuries.
Reports of the attack, in which fundamentalist fundament mentalist Abdullah Hassan Tali' al-Asiri - aka Abul-Khair - attempted to assassinate Saudi Prince Mohammed bin Nayef, broke last month. However, media including Al-Arabiya TV and the Sun have now further newsened-up the story by revealing details of al-Asiri's method of smuggling the explosives through the Prince's security.
It appears that al-Asiri gained access to the Prince by surrendering to Saudi forces near the Yemeni border, saying he wanted to give himself up but insisting that he must do so face to face with bin Nayef personally. The Prince's guards apparently failed to detect that the 23-year-old fanatic had stuffed an unspecified amount of TNT and a firing system of some type up his arse, which he detonated once in the room where bin Nayef was receiving visitors in Jeddah.
Reportedly the Prince - who appropriately in this context is deputy interior minister for security - sustained only a minor injury to his hand during the presumably extremely messy explosion which followed. Other people present in the room were also largely unharmed, with the deceased buttock-bomb operative the only casualty.
"He surprised me by blowing himself up," the Saudi bigwig reportedly told al-Arabiya, in a masterpiece of understated commentary.
We here on the Reg bomb-disposal desk would suggest that the failed operation tends to illustrate the generally poor skills of al-Qaeda terrorists. You don't have to be an explosives expert to know that a human body can stifle a grenade explosion very effectively, after all. Even a mercilessly trained operative of exceptional capacities would probably struggle to deliver a payload a lot bigger than a grenade using al-Asiri's eyewatering poo-chute portage method.
Of course we can only speculate regarding the firing system furnished by the back-alley bomb makers who stood behind the young terrorist. An internal mechanical timer device would perhaps be simplest, though there could be a risk of sharp-eared guards noticing a ticking sound coming from one's arse with such a method. Electrical firing circuits are much more common in terrorist devices, though the need to carry a fairly substantial battery internally would place even heavier demands on the kami-khazi operative as he prepared for his mission.
In the interests of good taste we aren't even going to get into possible methods of providing a manual firing switch, use of external power sources such as wall sockets or light fittings once in the target room etc etc.
We would note though that in order to deploy a charge actually capable of working from within an enemy within you'd need to fill up quite a lot of the body. This is theoretically possible - a gutsy bomber could conceivably quaff huge quantities of liquid main-charge explosives and then perhaps swallow a detonating device.
It still seems pretty unfeasible, however. The Tang part of current liquid mixes wouldn't be too much of problem, but the peroxide concentrate would be likely to finish the belly-bomber off before it even exploded - or anyway cause one or another kind of inadvertent payload-jettison unpleasantness. Then there'd be the risk that stomach acids would render the charge ineffective, or make it explode early etc.
Bottom line on this threat? Nothing to get anyone's bowels in an uproar. Move along: nothing you even want to see here... ®
Lewis Page was a improvised-device disposal operator tasked in support of the UK mainland police from 2001-2004. Fortunately for him the internal threat at that time was minimal.
For once an article I agree with you on Lewis.
Smart people for the most part, aren't even religious. Smart people, most certainly aren't terrorists. Smart people without question, aren't suicide bombers.
There's a descending level of idiocy you have to descend through to reach each of those stages, starting with believing in god (which you don't have to be too stupid for to be fair) through to believing everything a self-labelled agent of god (priest, sheikh or whatever) tells you, through to being willing to randomly kill civilians to make a point because no one listens to your point otherwise because it's fucking stupid, to ultimately being willing to take your own life to try and better make a point that again, no one was listening to because it was a fucking stupid point.
This is why I'm not that scared of them, because whilst yes, their idiocy can cause quite a lot of mayhem, ultimately idiocy has limits, and it has a habit of wiping itself out in the face of the more intelligent of society. This is illustrated each time we hear about failed suicide bombings that only blew up the bomber which seems to happen quite often (see Glasgow airport attacks for some example lol material). Ultimately I find it amusing that you would go through possibly 20 odd years off line, spend all that time learning, put all that effort into training yourself only to be told by someone that if you go and blow yourself up amongst a bunch of civilians you'll get to sleep with a billion virgins or whatever- but then, when you actually do it, you end up only throwing your life away, to much amusement to many around the globe and ridicule and laughter from those you were aiming to harm. What a way to go!
You are missing the big picture
This is no laughing matter - you are missing the evil genius at work here!
Rather than kill a few of us infidels they have realised that they can inconvenience millions of us in one fell swoop by coming up with the most crazy, hair-brained schemes they can.
Exploding shoes... Now we all have to take our shoes off at airports.
Exploding cans of soft drink... Now we can't take a drink or some hair gel in our hand luggage.
This latest one is absolute evil genius though as obviously to combat this latest threat they are going to have to systematically search all our arses at Heathrow every time we travel.. And as they would need a lot more than 100mls of lube to search the collective orifices of the passengers of the world busiest airport... They'll have to do it without even that. :(
<Inspector Clouseau>There's a beumb in the bumb
<Inspector Clouseau>There's a beumb in the bumb</Inspector Clouseau>