'Do You Want To See My C*ck?' asks budding author
Look out Dave Gorman
The world of books is buzzing about a new publishing sensation to rival Dan Brown's The Lost Symbol, industry sources have revealed to The Register.
A groundbreaking proposal from new North West author Duncan Webster arrived at the office of publishing giant Random House last week, but quickly leaked to rivals and has sparked much discussion among London's literati.
Webster's working title for the project is Do You Want To See My Cock? We'll let the talent explain, in his (genuine) pitch:
4th September 2009
To whom it may concern,
I am writing to ask whether your company would be interested in an idea for a book which I had recently. The theme of the book would be similar to the challenge/travel adventures of authors like Dave Gorman. The idea came to me during a recent visit to the doctor's in which I asked if I should take off my pants to show the doctor the rash on my leg. She asked if she could see without, I said yes, to which she said "In that case, no". But doctors have to see anything you show them, and so my idea is to see how many people I can get to see my penis without getting arrested.
As I said, doctors would be an easy start, but there's only so many time you can do that in the same surgery without getting a ban, which is what would make the challenge interesting. My immediate thoughts are then GUM clinics, life modelling, art installations, etc., but I would be willing to push the boundaries a bit for the good of the book and await your suggestions.
Initial ideas for working titles include "Do You Want To See My Cock?", "Can I Show You Something?" and "Balls To The Wind". I think we could probably find something better. I have also done a couple of sketches for the cover if you want to see them, (don't worry they're tastefully done).
I was thinking we could do this project as a charity tie-in, to raise money for testicular cancer, for example. I don't have cancer, but am aware of the importance of raising attention for the cause.
So, all that's left to say is Do You Want To See My Cock?
Small wonder Duncan has prompted such excitement. Several major publishing houses are today considering their response to his offer, we're told. ®
Not really original.
Adrian Edmondson explored this in his book "How to be a Complete Bastard" back in the mid-80s. The two main strands were, firstly, getting your nob to make history, so that it has to be shown on the news, and secondly, getting your nob on "That's Life."
On the subterfuge front, I refer you all to Nick the Dick's "salami in a bun" stunt in the Tom Hanks film "Bachelor Party."
On the music front, I nominate "The Dog, the Dog, He's At It Again" by Caravan, and "I Want to Show My Flower" by Hilltop John.
Beware who you flash too
Reminds me of something my gran told us, ages back. Being a dog owner, she'd regularly meet other local dog owners on walks around the local woods. Anyway, the word went round the dog walkers that this lad was flashing women in these woods. An elderly friend of my gran's put a bit of a halt to his career though when he flashed her, she took a look and told him, "Young man, I used to work as a nurse, and I've seen a lot better ones than that!"
Grannies With Attitude. Can't beat them. :)
Reminds me of an old joke...
A hooker approached my window once and asked if I'd like Super Sex...
I replied if it was all the same to her I'd have the soup.