Feeds

Abigail's Windows 7 Party

Cry if you want to

Beginner's guide to SSL certificates

Vista? Perish the thought

What Verity? Hahaha, you are amusing. Did you hear what Aunty Verity said Jamie? She said, why don't you play 'stuffing spitty balls of Windows 7 napkin down the back of the sofa', hahaha. No, I don't think she meant it... oh, never mind.

The music? Do you like it? It's a little kelker shows I picked up from Amazon, it's Classic FM's bestseller Summer Guitars Stuck in a Lift Collection 2009 Volume 2. I'm glad you like it because Geoffrey was terribly rude about it; he called it my 'bland tinklings'. What? What do you mean 'the other music'? Oh, that terrible row coming from outside. That must be that other party, I guess, playing their horrid music loud as they like.

What's that? Oh, that's really funny. Hey, everyone, did you hear what Verity said? She said we should try to get our noisy neighbours arrested under the 1972 My Husband And I Are Trying To Get Some Sleep Act. You are a one, Verity. Bit early for that though, a quarter past eight. Still, I don't see why they should make so much noise. That's London forohjesuschristonabike what was that? Oh, god, it's all right, just another balloon. Some fool's let the dog out.

Geoffrey, see to the flipping dog, will you? Yes, Stephen's usually so well behaved, but for some reason he thinks these Windows 7 balloons are rats, so he grabs them by the throat and worries them to death. There were 45 balloons in the packet; took half an hour to blow up. Now we've only got three left. Two left.

Yes, the music is coming from the old boombox and not from our Windows 7 multimedia entertainment centre. Yes, I thought you'd say that. Geoffrey: didn't I tell you that Miss Cynical here would spot that we weren't playing CDs on the PC, and would guess that we couldn't get a driver for the sound? Well, wrong guess Miss Cynical. This is not Vista, you know. Welcome to 2009.

As a matter of fact, there is no difficulty at all getting a sound driver for this machine, even though we are running it at 64-bits. It's just that our CDs won't play on the PC, for some reason. Geoffrey says it's because Classic FM probably formats the CDs for XP, but I think he says that because he doesn't like Classic FM. Geoffrey isn't like myself and you. He has no appreciation of the higher arts.

Now you'll have to excuse me for a moment while I do my hostess duties. If everyone can just come in here for a minute, and gather round the laptop, then we can begin. Yes, very funny Eric, you are allowed to bring in your drinks actually, so no it isn't at all like being at school again, and that was a silly thing to say. If you want to hear something funny, you should listen to what Verity says. Wooj, come on through and bring the others, will you?

Denise, would you like to... What, already? Well, perhaps Jamie is a bit tired. I thought that when he tore up the Windows 7 Desktop poster. Would you like to keep it? I'm sure that with a bit of sticky tape... Well, you see I can't really let you have another tote bag after what Jamie did to the first one. I dare say the keyring Windows 7 Wi-fi detector will still work fine when you retrieve it. Yes, well, you will just have to keep a sieve in the bathroom for a couple of days, won't you? Bye-bye!

Geoffrey, the dimmer switch please, so everybody can concentrate properly. Now, I'm going to start with setup and installation, because, as Julie Andrews says, that's a very good place to start.

What was that, Verity? Oh yes, you can see the lights on the roof of the other party more clearly now. Can't imagine what that's about. We'll goog... that is to say, we'll bling it up later. Bing it. Look, the whole place is literally heaving with people. And that racket isn't getting any quieter, is it?

Secure remote control for conventional and virtual desktops

More from The Register

next story
PEAK APPLE: iOS 8 is least popular Cupertino mobile OS in all of HUMAN HISTORY
'Nerd release' finally staggers past 50 per cent adoption
Microsoft to bake Skype into IE, without plugins
Redmond thinks the Object Real-Time Communications API for WebRTC is ready to roll
Microsoft promises Windows 10 will mean two-factor auth for all
Sneak peek at security features Redmond's baking into new OS
Mozilla: Spidermonkey ATE Apple's JavaScriptCore, THRASHED Google V8
Moz man claims the win on rivals' own benchmarks
FTDI yanks chip-bricking driver from Windows Update, vows to fight on
Next driver to battle fake chips with 'non-invasive' methods
DEATH by PowerPoint: Microsoft warns of 0-day attack hidden in slides
Might put out patch in update, might chuck it out sooner
Ubuntu 14.10 tries pulling a Steve Ballmer on cloudy offerings
Oi, Windows, centOS and openSUSE – behave, we're all friends here
Was ist das? Eine neue Suse Linux Enterprise? Ausgezeichnet!
Version 12 first major-number Suse release since 2009
prev story

Whitepapers

Cloud and hybrid-cloud data protection for VMware
Learn how quick and easy it is to configure backups and perform restores for VMware environments.
Forging a new future with identity relationship management
Learn about ForgeRock's next generation IRM platform and how it is designed to empower CEOS's and enterprises to engage with consumers.
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?
New hybrid storage solutions
Tackling data challenges through emerging hybrid storage solutions that enable optimum database performance whilst managing costs and increasingly large data stores.
Security and trust: The backbone of doing business over the internet
Explores the current state of website security and the contributions Symantec is making to help organizations protect critical data and build trust with customers.