Feeds

Todger-chop woman's sentence depends on hard evidence

Turkish court waits to see if victim regains wood

Security for virtualized datacentres

A Turkish woman who cut off her lover's penis is now anxiously awaiting the result of a todger-reattachment op which will determine the length of her prison sentence*, Reuters reports.

The 39-year-old woman claimed she was prompted to separate her 28-year-old boyf from his manhood after he "had broken his promise to marry her and forced her into prostitution and beat her".

While he was drunk, she explained in court, she relieved him of his spam javelin and "threw it onto the roof of a neighbouring building".

Mercifully, surgeons were subsequently able to reattach the member during an 11-hour operation, and now say the victim should be able to regain wood within six months.

The chop-happy defendant's fate now rests between her former squeeze's legs. The court has deferred sentencing for 18 months to determine whether a) he makes a full recovery (between one and three years in jail), or is b) permanently disabled (at least eight years' hard time).

A court source confirmed: "To determine which crime was committed, we first need the report. We'll continue holding hearings in the trial from time to time until we receive the report." ®

Bootnote

*And presumably the modified length of the poor bloke's trouser snake.

Reducing the cost and complexity of web vulnerability management

More from The Register

next story
Oi, London thief. We KNOW what you're doing - our PRECRIME system warned us
Aye, shipmate, it be just like that Minority Report
WRISTJOB LOVE BONANZA: justWatch sex app promises blind date hookups
Mankind shuffles into the future, five fingers at a time
Every billionaire needs a PANZER TANK, right? STOP THERE, Paul Allen
Angry Microsoftie hauls auctioneers to court over stalled Pzkw. IV 'deal'
Apple's Mr Havisham: Tim Cook says dead Steve Jobs' office has remained untouched
'I literally think about him every day' says biz baron's old friend
Cops apologise for leaving EXPLOSIVES in suitcase at airport
'Canine training exercise' SNAFU sees woman take home booming baggage
Flaming drone batteries ground commercial flight before takeoff
Passenger had Something To Declare, instead fiddled while plane burned
prev story

Whitepapers

Secure remote control for conventional and virtual desktops
Balancing user privacy and privileged access, in accordance with compliance frameworks and legislation. Evaluating any potential remote control choice.
WIN a very cool portable ZX Spectrum
Win a one-off portable Spectrum built by legendary hardware hacker Ben Heck
Intelligent flash storage arrays
Tegile Intelligent Storage Arrays with IntelliFlash helps IT boost storage utilization and effciency while delivering unmatched storage savings and performance.
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?
Beginner's guide to SSL certificates
De-mystify the technology involved and give you the information you need to make the best decision when considering your online security options.