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Middle England tickles its stiff upper lips

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In a final death blow for the values which once made Blighty great - long shadows on cricket grounds, warm beer, invincible green suburbs, dog lovers, triumphant foreign wars, etc, etc - Good Housekeeping has published a reader guide to the top five vibrators.

For its October issue, the "housewives' bible" (as the Telegraph puts it) asked a panel of readers aged between 30 and 65 to spread 'em for the UK's top-selling orgasm assistants. They rated the devices for "ease of use, instructions, noisiness and satisfaction".

The winner was the "Delight", an s-shaped pleasurer*, which scored an impressive 74 out of 100. Next up was the "Bedside Bullet" (68/100), closely followed by an unspecified but promising "warming vibrator".

The famous Rampant Rabbit was fourth, clocking up 61 out of 100. Quite which vibro came fifth, the Telegraph doesn't say, and we're not buying a copy of Good Housekeeping to find out.

In case you're wondering whether the volunteers were reluctantly dragged from their dusting and coffee mornings to lie back and think of England, 87 per cent of testers said they'd already used a vibrator and "52 per cent of testers’ husbands suggested they should try one".

Good Housekeeping deputy ed, June Walton, confirmed that things had indeed changed since the magazine launched back in 1922. She said: “Even though Sex And The City has removed the ‘guilty’ tag from owning a sex toy, and it’s widely recognised that many young, single women own vibrators, our survey discovered that they’re just as popular among our readers - only 13 per cent of our testers were vibrator virgins.” ®

Bootnote

*Manufactured by German sex toy outfit Fun Factory, in case you fancy confirming the Good Housekeeping result.

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