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Walfamstow Cockney cash machine daffy ducked

No sausage and mash, me old china

Internet Security Threat Report 2014

The wheels appear to have slightly come off the roll-out of Blighty's first Cockney cash machines - five dispensers of sausage and mash deployed from Spitalfields to Barnet via Walthamstow by ATM operator Bank Machine.

According to the Waltham Forest Guardian, E17 boasts one of the brand spanking new Dick Van Dyke emulator devices, which at the touch of a button allow users to enjoy the full East London experience.

This includes being asked for your Huckleberry Finn (or PIN, as the machine helpfully clarifies) and thereafter offered, for example, the chance to view your balance on the Charlie Sheen or get straight down to trousering a speckled hen.

Sadly, however, the Waltham Forest Guardian notes that the Walthamstow ATM - located in the High Street - immediately went titsup and is "out of service", or daffy ducked, to use the correct expression.

The paper is awaiting clarification from Bank Machine as to exactly when the distant sound of Bow Bells might once again return to the birthplace of William Morris and East 17. ®

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