Dan Brown is most unwanted author says Oxfam
Does anyone want chief Vatican baiter on their shelf?
Vatican botherer-in-chief Dan Brown has been awarded the accolade of most-donated fiction author to Oxfam shops, the charity announced today.
Brown's offerings may sell in their millions, but clearly they leave people feeling the same way as an ill-advised one night stand - good idea at the time, but now you don't them hanging around your house making you feel bad about yourself.
He's followed in short order by John Grisham (not too much of a surprise), Ian Rankin (more surprising perhaps) and Danielle Steele. Helen Fielding rounds out the top five. Presumably readers go out, have a bottle of Chardonnay and wake up in the morning with her outpourings fresh in their mind, then head straight down the charity shop.
Brown may derive some comfort from the fact that he is also the second best selling author in Oxfam shops, just behind Ian Rankin. The top five best sellers is rounded out by Sharpe author Bernard Cornwell, teen vampire specialist Stephanie Meyer and Terry Pratchett.
Just to rub it in for Brown, the Bible - authorship disputed, but furiously promoted by the Vatican - doesn't figure in either list. And if that isn't evidence of a conspiracy, we don't know what is.
The chain has yet to release a similar list for non-fiction publications, but it would be interesting to see how exactly Guides to 123, DOS 5, and Windows Vista stack up. ®
Supermarket value = Charity Shop seconds?
I wonder what the correlation is between the titles sold in Supermarkets and the ones that turn up in charity shops? Whenever I see a book in the supermarket and think that looks interesting, I wait a few weeks and go and get a copy from my local Oxfam shop.
The Oxfam Cod
Robert pushed open the door to his local Oxfam. He scanned the bookshelves, noting instantly that the crime fiction was sorted into alpha order: but the DIY was in reverse alpha. Could this seemingly innocuous re-arrangement of texts hold the key.
His eye lit upon a small hook behind the counter. From it a small bunch of keys dangled alluringly, temptingly. Darn! Perhaps the hook held the key.
Should he just grab the keys and run?
But why? Where would he run to?
What day was it? If it was Tuesday it was already too late, and the net was closing in.
Nets? Furtively, he fondled the display of stockings next to the section containing ladies’ undergarments. “Pants!”, he breathed heavily.
Behind the counter stood a man with a limp. “Dick!”, he cried out, surprising even himself with a high C and extensive damage to the glassware section. “I think the Pope is planning to have me assassinated”.
Dick sighed, heavily. He was a large man, but a light sleeper. Most nights, he lost two stone before dawn.
“Robert. Oh, Robert: you’ve not been taking your medication again, have you?”
I can confirm that I have read that article and I am the fifth living person who has not read, nor has any intention of ever reading, a Dan Brown novel. From the excerpts given from the beginning of the book, it can quite clearly be seen that it is the sort of piffle that would hurt the brain of anyone adequately versed in the English language to be able to read anything more advanced than 'Heat' magazine. Call me a literary snob for saying so if you like, I'll respond by calling you a thicko.