Feeds

Vulture Central unleashes RegPad™

Redefining the web-surf Linux tablet paradigm

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Security for virtualized datacentres

We at Vulture Central were a mite surprised to learn recently of the TechCrunch "CrunchPad", which has got the technosphere into a bit of a tizz with its promise of couch computing delivered via an 18mm aluminium chassis, Linux and "Webkit based browser".

Actually, surprised isn't the half of it, because Vulture Central's Taiwanese labs have been working on something uncannily similar for the last year - a tablet designed specifically for Reg readers. Ladies and Gentlemen, we give you the RegPad™...

The RegPad

What we have here is a 12mm NASA-grade titanium shell packing an octocore Vulturium™ processor, Shark-o-raptorific V graphics card, 7.2W sealed cold fusion power supply, interplanetary internet node module with wireless connection rates of up to 8 petabytes per millisecond, headphone socket and slimline biscuit dispenser.

The RegPad™ runs custom Umbongo Linux "Vituperous Vulture" which boots straight into a stripped-down Firestorm browser. Regular readers will note from the pic that the screen resolution allows you to retain the inexplicable vertical grey bars at the sides of El Reg which provoke a nagging feeling of slight unease after a few hours.

Of course, what you really want to know is what exactly are those sexy touch-sensitive controls running down the side of the screen. Well, after subjecting one million reader comments to an adaptive learning algorithm designed to identify your key survival requirements, we were able to pinpoint the following essentials, listed as seen from top to bottom:

  • Go to El Reg
  • Find quality pornography websites
  • Get me a beer
  • Get me a coffee
  • Order a pizza
  • Make a bacon sarnie
  • Flame someone
  • Abort porn website surfing and return to SFW mode

And if all that isn't enough to satisfy even the most demanding surfer, we can also offer the RegPad™ in a wafer-thin carbon nanotube casing, allowing the RegPad Flex™ to be rolled up like a newspaper or used on uneven surfaces such as corrugated iron roofs:

The RegPad Flex

(Please note that the RegPad Flex™ is not supplied with a biscuit-dispenser, for obvious technical reasons.)

Beginner's guide to SSL certificates

More from The Register

next story
Facebook's Zuckerberg in EBOLA VIRUS FIGHT: Billionaire battles bug
US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention contacted as site supremo coughs up
Space exploration is just so lame. NEW APPS are mankind's future
We feel obliged to point out the headline statement is total, utter cobblers
Down-under record: Australian gets $140k for pussy
'Tiffany' closes deal - 'it's more common to offer your wife', says agent
Internet finally ready to replace answering machine cassette tape
It's a simple message and I'm leaving out the whistles and bells
FedEx helps deliver THOUSANDS of spam messages DIRECT to its Blighty customers
Don't worry Wilson, I'll do all the paddling. You just hang on
The iPAD launch BEFORE it happened: SPECULATIVE GUFF ahead of actual event
Nerve-shattering run-up to the pre-planned known event
Win a year’s supply of chocolate (no tech knowledge required)
Over £200 worth of the good stuff up for grabs
STONER SHEEP get the MUNCHIES after feasting on £4k worth of cannabis plants
Baaaaaa! Fanny's Farm's woolly flock is high, maaaaaan
Boffins who stare at goats: I do believe they’re SHRINKING
Alpine chamois being squashed by global warming
Adorkable overshare of words like photobomb in this year's dictionaries
And hipsters are finally defined as self-loathing. Sort of
prev story

Whitepapers

Cloud and hybrid-cloud data protection for VMware
Learn how quick and easy it is to configure backups and perform restores for VMware environments.
A strategic approach to identity relationship management
ForgeRock commissioned Forrester to evaluate companies’ IAM practices and requirements when it comes to customer-facing scenarios versus employee-facing ones.
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?
Three 1TB solid state scorchers up for grabs
Big SSDs can be expensive but think big and think free because you could be the lucky winner of one of three 1TB Samsung SSD 840 EVO drives that we’re giving away worth over £300 apiece.
Security for virtualized datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.