Feeds

Vulture Central unleashes RegPad™

Redefining the web-surf Linux tablet paradigm

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Security for virtualized datacentres

We at Vulture Central were a mite surprised to learn recently of the TechCrunch "CrunchPad", which has got the technosphere into a bit of a tizz with its promise of couch computing delivered via an 18mm aluminium chassis, Linux and "Webkit based browser".

Actually, surprised isn't the half of it, because Vulture Central's Taiwanese labs have been working on something uncannily similar for the last year - a tablet designed specifically for Reg readers. Ladies and Gentlemen, we give you the RegPad™...

The RegPad

What we have here is a 12mm NASA-grade titanium shell packing an octocore Vulturium™ processor, Shark-o-raptorific V graphics card, 7.2W sealed cold fusion power supply, interplanetary internet node module with wireless connection rates of up to 8 petabytes per millisecond, headphone socket and slimline biscuit dispenser.

The RegPad™ runs custom Umbongo Linux "Vituperous Vulture" which boots straight into a stripped-down Firestorm browser. Regular readers will note from the pic that the screen resolution allows you to retain the inexplicable vertical grey bars at the sides of El Reg which provoke a nagging feeling of slight unease after a few hours.

Of course, what you really want to know is what exactly are those sexy touch-sensitive controls running down the side of the screen. Well, after subjecting one million reader comments to an adaptive learning algorithm designed to identify your key survival requirements, we were able to pinpoint the following essentials, listed as seen from top to bottom:

  • Go to El Reg
  • Find quality pornography websites
  • Get me a beer
  • Get me a coffee
  • Order a pizza
  • Make a bacon sarnie
  • Flame someone
  • Abort porn website surfing and return to SFW mode

And if all that isn't enough to satisfy even the most demanding surfer, we can also offer the RegPad™ in a wafer-thin carbon nanotube casing, allowing the RegPad Flex™ to be rolled up like a newspaper or used on uneven surfaces such as corrugated iron roofs:

The RegPad Flex

(Please note that the RegPad Flex™ is not supplied with a biscuit-dispenser, for obvious technical reasons.)

Providing a secure and efficient Helpdesk

More from The Register

next story
Are you a fat boy? Get to university NOW, you PENNILESS SLACKER
Rotund types paid nearly 20% less than people who didn't eat all the pies
Emma Watson should SHUT UP, all this abuse is HER OWN FAULT
... said an anon coward who we really wish hadn't posted on our website
Japan develops robot CHEERLEADERS which RIDE on BALLS
'Will put smiles on faces worldwide', predicts corporate PR chief
Bruges Booze tubes to pump LOVELY BEER underneath city
Belgian booze pumped from underground
Let it go, Steve: Ballmer bans iPads from his LA Clippers b-ball team
Can you imagine the scene? 'Hey guys, it's your new owner – WTF is that on your desk?'
Amazon: Wish in one hand, Twit in the other – see which one fills first
#AmazonWishList A year's supply of Arran scotch, ta
SLOSH! Cops dethrone suspect - by tipping over portaloo with him inside
Talk about raising a stink and soiling your career
Ingredient found in TASTY BEER is GOOD for your BRAIN
You only have to drink 2k litres a day to see the effect...
Oz carrier Tiger Air takes terror alerts to new heights
Don't doodle, it might cost you your flight
prev story

Whitepapers

Forging a new future with identity relationship management
Learn about ForgeRock's next generation IRM platform and how it is designed to empower CEOS's and enterprises to engage with consumers.
Storage capacity and performance optimization at Mizuno USA
Mizuno USA turn to Tegile storage technology to solve both their SAN and backup issues.
The next step in data security
With recent increased privacy concerns and computers becoming more powerful, the chance of hackers being able to crack smaller-sized RSA keys increases.
Security for virtualized datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.
A strategic approach to identity relationship management
ForgeRock commissioned Forrester to evaluate companies’ IAM practices and requirements when it comes to customer-facing scenarios versus employee-facing ones.