Feeds

Hollywood prepares to battle Asteroids

Plotless classic Atari game heads for the big screen

Security for virtualized datacentres

Universal Studios is preparing to bring Atari video game Asteroids to the big screen, despite the fact that the classic offers "no story line or fancy world-building mythology", as the Hollywood Reporter puts it.

Screen grab of the original Asteroids

The studio, lacking the kind of supplied narrative which made Lara Croft: Tomb Raider a major cinematic triumph, is falling back on a skill which in Tinseltown appears of late to have gone the way of dry stone walling: It will, wait for it, "create a plot from scratch".

The man tasked with breathing life into Asteroids is one Matthew Lopez, a Disney-trained pensmith who's worked on Bedtime Stories and Race to Witch Mountain.

We suspect Lopez will start with the premise that there are large asteroids menacing Earth and that NASA, having ill-advisedly shut its virtual asteroid-busting training school due to budget cuts, is obliged to enlist the help of a couple of college kids whose granddad owns the sole remaining Asteroids arcade machine and are therefore the only two on Earth with the necessary dexterity to guide the laser-firing anti-apocalypse spaceship.

We recommend Bruce Willis as granddad to Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens, with Megan Fox as the NASA programmer who helps Willis once again find love following the death of his wife in a tragic Wii Fit accident. Michael Bay should helm, naturally. ®

Protecting users from Firesheep and other Sidejacking attacks with SSL

More from The Register

next story
Oi, Tim Cook. Apple Watch. I DARE you to tell me, IN PERSON, that it's secure
State attorney demands Apple CEO bows the knee to him
Phones 4u website DIES as wounded mobe retailer struggles to stay above water
Founder blames 'ruthless network partners' for implosion
Monitors monitor's monitoring finds touch screens have 0.4% market share
Not four. Point four. Count yer booty again, Microsoft
Getting to the BOTTOM of the great office seating debate
Belay that toil, me hearty, and park your scurvy backside
Hey, Mac fanbois. HGST wants you drooling over its HUGE desktop RACK
What vast digital media repository could possibly need 64 TERABYTES?
In a spin: Samsung accuses LG exec of washing machine SABOTAGE
Rival electronic giant tries to iron out allegations
prev story

Whitepapers

Secure remote control for conventional and virtual desktops
Balancing user privacy and privileged access, in accordance with compliance frameworks and legislation. Evaluating any potential remote control choice.
WIN a very cool portable ZX Spectrum
Win a one-off portable Spectrum built by legendary hardware hacker Ben Heck
Storage capacity and performance optimization at Mizuno USA
Mizuno USA turn to Tegile storage technology to solve both their SAN and backup issues.
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?
The next step in data security
With recent increased privacy concerns and computers becoming more powerful, the chance of hackers being able to crack smaller-sized RSA keys increases.