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Swine flu eclipsed by new fruity, full-bodied menace

Stuff pig plague, this is serious

Internet Security Threat Report 2014

Be afraid, be very afraid: The BBC's News 24 has announced the first victim of a terrifying new influenza strain which seems poised to hit the UK's licensed victuallers very hard indeed:

BBC's News 24 ticker tape reports UK's first wine flu death

Wine flu is, of course, a hideous variant of the traditional pub flu which annually accounts for one or two Reg cub hacks. The mutated virus is believed to affect mainly ad sales teams and Strategy Boutique members who can regularly be found risking infection during robust "power lunches" in expensive faux French dining establishments.

Accordingly, Vulture Central has implemented its standard containment protocol by locking all non-editorial staff in a sealed room with a supply of the only know cure for wine flu: Bacon sarnies, and plenty of 'em.

Bootnote

In fairness to the Beeb, it has refused to bow to the World Health Organisation's edict that H1N1 be known as "Influenza A" - a lamentable bit of deckchair shifting designed, by coincidence, to protect the international bacon sarnie market.

Oh yes, thanks to Brian Sains for the sobering tip-off.

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