Feeds

iPhone apps - the 10 smartest and the 10 stupidest

One man's meat is another man's poison

Next gen security for virtualised datacentres

No. 5

Smart: BeatMaker

They say: "Inspired by professional drum machines, samplers, and sequencers, BeatMaker combines them into one inspirational instrument."

The Reg says: Here's incontrovertible proof that the iPhone is no toy.

BeatMaker is a full-fledged music-maker, with 16 trigger pads (up to five at once) to play samples either from its included library or recorded on the go. A multi-resolution, multi-track step sequencer supports pattern creation and assembly.

Add bit-crusher down-sampling, high and low-pass filters, complex envelope controls, network sharing, WAV and MIDI export, BPM info, and a whole lot more, and you've got a party in your pocket.

Price: $19.99

  BeatMaker screenshot

  SoftServe Poop Machine screenshot

Stupid: SoftServe Poop Machine

They say: "Created especially for all you fans of iFart and the dozens of other fart and poop apps on the app store. Did we say Chocolate Fudge? Mmmm!"

The Reg says: Really, what exactly can you say about an app such as SoftServe Poop Machine? That its controls for curvature, length, and thickness allow you to create an inspiringly aesthetic digital dump?

How about, instead, we simply shout for professional help: "Dr. Freud! Dr. Freud! Calling Dr. Freud!"

Price: 99¢


Next gen security for virtualised datacentres

Next page: No. 4

More from The Register

next story
6 Obvious Reasons Why Facebook Will Ban This Article (Thank God)
Clampdown on clickbait ... and El Reg is OK with this
So, Apple won't sell cheap kit? Prepare the iOS garden wall WRECKING BALL
It can throw the low cost race if it looks to the cloud
EE fails to apologise for HUGE T-Mobile outage that hit Brits on Friday
Customer: 'Please change your name to occasionally somewhere'
Time Warner Cable customers SQUEAL as US network goes offline
A rude awakening: North Americans greeted with outage drama
We need less U.S. in our WWW – Euro digital chief Steelie Neelie
EC moves to shift status quo at Internet Governance Forum
BT customers face broadband and landline price hikes
Poor punters won't be affected, telecoms giant claims
prev story

Whitepapers

5 things you didn’t know about cloud backup
IT departments are embracing cloud backup, but there’s a lot you need to know before choosing a service provider. Learn all the critical things you need to know.
Implementing global e-invoicing with guaranteed legal certainty
Explaining the role local tax compliance plays in successful supply chain management and e-business and how leading global brands are addressing this.
Backing up Big Data
Solving backup challenges and “protect everything from everywhere,” as we move into the era of big data management and the adoption of BYOD.
Consolidation: The Foundation for IT Business Transformation
In this whitepaper learn how effective consolidation of IT and business resources can enable multiple, meaningful business benefits.
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?