Smart: LogMeIn Ignition

They say: "LogMeIn Ignition provides one-click remote control of PCs and Macs."

The Reg says: Who hasn't struggled to help a noob co-worker, friend, or family member over the phone? Telephonic troubleshooting sucks.

With LogMeIn Ignition, your iPhone becomes your trusted troubleshooting partner. You simply take remote control of another computer - as long as it has a LogMeIn client installed - and work your will with it. Not only can you help others, but you'll also have always-on access to your own computers.

LogMeIn Ignition is pricey for an iPhone app and requires a LogMeIn account, but that's a small price to pay for becoming an IT god.

Price: $29.99

Stupid: CalmCandle

They say: "Whether you want to just sit quietly and meditate on the flame, or just load up an alternative screensaver to keep your device looking interesting, this is the candle flame app for you."

The Reg says: Our paragon of stupidity is merely a %$#@!ing video of a %$#@!ing candle. Yes, it's calm. And yes, it's a candle. But that's it. That's all.

Okay, so it "WILL slowly shrink over time," but that's the entire extent of the tricks this "candle flame app for you" can perform.

Price: $4.99