Feeds

London gym floors hoodies with Chav Fighting classes

'Don't give them an ASBO, give them a kicking...'

Eight steps to building an HP BladeSystem

A London gym is offering decent, hard-working citizens the chance to fight back against the hooded hordes of chavdom by administering alcopop-crazed yoof a righteous thrashing - courtesy of its "Chav Fighting" classes.

According to Gymbox's blurb, you'll learn "how to take a Bacardi off a hoodie and turn a grunt into a whine" in a place where "the punch bags gather dust and the world is put to rights".

If the accompanying vid is anything to go by, a few months of Chav Fighting and the UK's streets will once more be safe for decorated war veterans to zimmer their way down to the post office to collect their pensions, while those hospital beds not filled with dying pig plague victims will be occupied by the shattered and battered bodies of crippled chavs.

According to Spiked, which chatted with the manager of Gymbox's Holborn branch, Chav Fighting techniques include the "haymaker" and the good old-fashioned headbutt. He described the soon-to-be-extinct chav as "scourge of modern-day Britain" and, inevitably, cited "the rise in knife crime" as a solid reason why white collars should learn the crimebusting benefits of the Glasgow Kiss.

In case you're not really that bothered about giving chavs a good kicking, Gymbox's other activities include Bitch Boxing, Boob Aerobics and Pole Dancing - the latter, we hasten to add, as it's commonly understood, not the version where you fire an AK47 at the feet of an immigrant worker who's stolen your job. ®

Boost IT visibility and business value

More from The Register

next story
Motorist 'thought car had caught fire' as Adele track came on stereo
'FIRE' caption on dashboard prompts dunderheaded hard shoulder halt
Delaware pair nabbed for getting saucy atop Mexican eatery
Burrito meets soft taco in alleged rooftop romp outrage
Japanese artist cuffed for disseminating 3D ladyparts files
Printable genitalia fall foul of 'obscene material' laws
Carlos: Slim your working week to just three days of toil
'Midas World' vision suggests you retire later, watch more tellie and buy more stuff
Brit Rockall adventurer poised to quit islet
Occupation records broken, champagne corks popped
Apple: No, China. iPhone is NOT public enemy number 1
Beijing fears it could beam secrets back to America
Canuck reader threatens suicide over exact dimensions of SPAAAACE!
How many As? Reg hack's writing cops a shoeing
prev story

Whitepapers

Seven Steps to Software Security
Seven practical steps you can begin to take today to secure your applications and prevent the damages a successful cyber-attack can cause.
Consolidation: The Foundation for IT Business Transformation
In this whitepaper learn how effective consolidation of IT and business resources can enable multiple, meaningful business benefits.
Designing a Defense for Mobile Applications
Learn about the various considerations for defending mobile applications - from the application architecture itself to the myriad testing technologies.
Build a business case: developing custom apps
Learn how to maximize the value of custom applications by accelerating and simplifying their development.
Consolidation: the foundation for IT and business transformation
In this whitepaper learn how effective consolidation of IT and business resources can enable multiple, meaningful business benefits.