London gym floors hoodies with Chav Fighting classes
'Don't give them an ASBO, give them a kicking...'
A London gym is offering decent, hard-working citizens the chance to fight back against the hooded hordes of chavdom by administering alcopop-crazed yoof a righteous thrashing - courtesy of its "Chav Fighting" classes.
According to Gymbox's blurb, you'll learn "how to take a Bacardi off a hoodie and turn a grunt into a whine" in a place where "the punch bags gather dust and the world is put to rights".
If the accompanying vid is anything to go by, a few months of Chav Fighting and the UK's streets will once more be safe for decorated war veterans to zimmer their way down to the post office to collect their pensions, while those hospital beds not filled with dying pig plague victims will be occupied by the shattered and battered bodies of crippled chavs.
According to Spiked, which chatted with the manager of Gymbox's Holborn branch, Chav Fighting techniques include the "haymaker" and the good old-fashioned headbutt. He described the soon-to-be-extinct chav as "scourge of modern-day Britain" and, inevitably, cited "the rise in knife crime" as a solid reason why white collars should learn the crimebusting benefits of the Glasgow Kiss.
In case you're not really that bothered about giving chavs a good kicking, Gymbox's other activities include Bitch Boxing, Boob Aerobics and Pole Dancing - the latter, we hasten to add, as it's commonly understood, not the version where you fire an AK47 at the feet of an immigrant worker who's stolen your job. ®