Feeds

London gym floors hoodies with Chav Fighting classes

'Don't give them an ASBO, give them a kicking...'

Providing a secure and efficient Helpdesk

A London gym is offering decent, hard-working citizens the chance to fight back against the hooded hordes of chavdom by administering alcopop-crazed yoof a righteous thrashing - courtesy of its "Chav Fighting" classes.

According to Gymbox's blurb, you'll learn "how to take a Bacardi off a hoodie and turn a grunt into a whine" in a place where "the punch bags gather dust and the world is put to rights".

If the accompanying vid is anything to go by, a few months of Chav Fighting and the UK's streets will once more be safe for decorated war veterans to zimmer their way down to the post office to collect their pensions, while those hospital beds not filled with dying pig plague victims will be occupied by the shattered and battered bodies of crippled chavs.

According to Spiked, which chatted with the manager of Gymbox's Holborn branch, Chav Fighting techniques include the "haymaker" and the good old-fashioned headbutt. He described the soon-to-be-extinct chav as "scourge of modern-day Britain" and, inevitably, cited "the rise in knife crime" as a solid reason why white collars should learn the crimebusting benefits of the Glasgow Kiss.

In case you're not really that bothered about giving chavs a good kicking, Gymbox's other activities include Bitch Boxing, Boob Aerobics and Pole Dancing - the latter, we hasten to add, as it's commonly understood, not the version where you fire an AK47 at the feet of an immigrant worker who's stolen your job. ®

Top 5 reasons to deploy VMware with Tegile

More from The Register

next story
Are you a fat boy? Get to university NOW, you PENNILESS SLACKER
Rotund types paid nearly 20% less than people who didn't eat all the pies
Emma Watson should SHUT UP, all this abuse is HER OWN FAULT
... said an anon coward who we really wish hadn't posted on our website
Japan develops robot CHEERLEADERS which RIDE on BALLS
'Will put smiles on faces worldwide', predicts corporate PR chief
Bruges Booze tubes to pump LOVELY BEER underneath city
Belgian booze pumped from underground
Oz carrier Tiger Air takes terror alerts to new heights
Don't doodle, it might cost you your flight
Amazon: Wish in one hand, Twit in the other – see which one fills first
#AmazonWishList A year's supply of Arran scotch, ta
Let it go, Steve: Ballmer bans iPads from his LA Clippers b-ball team
Can you imagine the scene? 'Hey guys, it's your new owner – WTF is that on your desk?'
Oi, London thief. We KNOW what you're doing - our PRECRIME system warned us
Aye, shipmate, it be just like that Minority Report
prev story

Whitepapers

Providing a secure and efficient Helpdesk
A single remote control platform for user support is be key to providing an efficient helpdesk. Retain full control over the way in which screen and keystroke data is transmitted.
Intelligent flash storage arrays
Tegile Intelligent Storage Arrays with IntelliFlash helps IT boost storage utilization and effciency while delivering unmatched storage savings and performance.
Beginner's guide to SSL certificates
De-mystify the technology involved and give you the information you need to make the best decision when considering your online security options.
Security for virtualized datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.
Secure remote control for conventional and virtual desktops
Balancing user privacy and privileged access, in accordance with compliance frameworks and legislation. Evaluating any potential remote control choice.