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Moderatrix quits El Reg: Latest

Tense negotiations at Vulture Central

Internet Security Threat Report 2014

April Fool Well, you've really outdone yourselves this time, haven't you? Earlier today, your comments to this sensitively-handled piece on the sad case of the Florida satnav lake incident prompted our Moderatrix, Sarah Bee, to quit her job at Vulture Central.

We're obliged to those of you who immediately rang the office to seek assurance that the decision could be reversed. Mercifully, after a meeting between Ms Bee and El Reg's human resources department - during which trained operatives offered tea and a sympathetic ear - she decided to take the offered £30 voucher for a new pair of shoes and the afternoon off to ponder her future.

In Florida, meanwhile, Destry Wymbough failed to attend court earlier today to face a raft of charges relating to driving her hubby's Merc into the aforementioned body of water. Sheriff John H Armblaugh said: "We found out she didn't actually exist. Some smartass Limey hack made the whole thing up and when we get him in the back of the cruiser, we're going to taser his sorry butt." ®

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