Feeds

Florida cops taser satnav lake plunge woman

'Premenstrual issues' blamed for loss of $100k Mercedes

Internet Security Threat Report 2014

April Fool Police were last week obliged to taser a 37-year-old mother of two who followed the satnav of her husband's $100k Mercedes into a Florida lake, the Ocala 'Gator reports.

Destry Wymbough, of Lynne, had been travelling eastbound on Highway 40 close to Ocala when she took an unscheduled right, followed a dirt road for two miles and, despite numerous warning signs, drove directly into the lake.

Sheriff John H Armblaugh, who responded to the incident, explained: "We got a call from Wymbough on her cellphone explaining she was 'stuck in a goddam lake'."

He continued: "When we eventually found her, she was stuck in there pretty good. She admitted she'd been talking on her cell to her Pilates instructor at the time of the incident and, although she conceded she may have been distracted, blamed the satellite navigation system for her predicament."

Things then took a turn for the worse for a "confrontational" Wymbough. Armblaugh said: "She's a big lady, to put it mildly, but when my deputies tried to prise her from the car with a couple of tire irons, she pepper-sprayed the guys."

Armblaugh was then obliged to taser the car's occupant. He insisted: "Well, she was either going to take a hit or we'd have had to leave her there for the 'gators."

Fire services took a further two hours to cut Wymbough from the vehicle. She was charged with driving without due care and attention, failure to observe traffic signs, driving while talking on a cell phone, two counts of assaulting a police officer and a single federal charge of polluting a National Forest watercourse.

She may also face child protection charges after police discovered that prior to the incident she'd "accidentally" left her two young children at a roadside diner after becoming "distracted" by a local WTF2 radio advert for discounted designer shoes.

Wymbough is scheduled to appear before the court later today. Her defence attorney, Charlene W Pensacola, told local media: "My client was suffering from premenstrual issues at the time of this unfortunate series of events, and was travelling without her usual supply of evening primrose oil. She's very remorseful."

Happily, Wymbough's children were recovered safe and sound and are now in the custody of their father. Divorce proceedings are "imminent", a spokesman for Drexel Wymbough confirmed, as well as a lawsuit to recover the cost of the Mercedes and that of "the Miura Golf Retro Blade Irons which were in the vehicle's trunk and are now at the bottom of a lake". ®

Beginner's guide to SSL certificates

More from The Register

next story
WRISTJOB LOVE BONANZA: justWatch sex app promises blind date hookups
Mankind shuffles into the future, five fingers at a time
Every billionaire needs a PANZER TANK, right? STOP THERE, Paul Allen
Angry Microsoftie hauls auctioneers to court over stalled Pzkw. IV 'deal'
Apple's Mr Havisham: Tim Cook says dead Steve Jobs' office has remained untouched
'I literally think about him every day' says biz baron's old friend
Flaming drone batteries ground commercial flight before takeoff
Passenger had Something To Declare, instead fiddled while plane burned
Cops apologise for leaving EXPLOSIVES in suitcase at airport
'Canine training exercise' SNAFU sees woman take home booming baggage
Oi, London thief. We KNOW what you're doing - our PRECRIME system warned us
Aye, shipmate, it be just like that Minority Report
prev story

Whitepapers

Providing a secure and efficient Helpdesk
A single remote control platform for user support is be key to providing an efficient helpdesk. Retain full control over the way in which screen and keystroke data is transmitted.
WIN a very cool portable ZX Spectrum
Win a one-off portable Spectrum built by legendary hardware hacker Ben Heck
Saudi Petroleum chooses Tegile storage solution
A storage solution that addresses company growth and performance for business-critical applications of caseware archive and search along with other key operational systems.
Protecting users from Firesheep and other Sidejacking attacks with SSL
Discussing the vulnerabilities inherent in Wi-Fi networks, and how using TLS/SSL for your entire site will assure security.
Security for virtualized datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.