Feeds

Florida cops taser satnav lake plunge woman

'Premenstrual issues' blamed for loss of $100k Mercedes

Internet Security Threat Report 2014

April Fool Police were last week obliged to taser a 37-year-old mother of two who followed the satnav of her husband's $100k Mercedes into a Florida lake, the Ocala 'Gator reports.

Destry Wymbough, of Lynne, had been travelling eastbound on Highway 40 close to Ocala when she took an unscheduled right, followed a dirt road for two miles and, despite numerous warning signs, drove directly into the lake.

Sheriff John H Armblaugh, who responded to the incident, explained: "We got a call from Wymbough on her cellphone explaining she was 'stuck in a goddam lake'."

He continued: "When we eventually found her, she was stuck in there pretty good. She admitted she'd been talking on her cell to her Pilates instructor at the time of the incident and, although she conceded she may have been distracted, blamed the satellite navigation system for her predicament."

Things then took a turn for the worse for a "confrontational" Wymbough. Armblaugh said: "She's a big lady, to put it mildly, but when my deputies tried to prise her from the car with a couple of tire irons, she pepper-sprayed the guys."

Armblaugh was then obliged to taser the car's occupant. He insisted: "Well, she was either going to take a hit or we'd have had to leave her there for the 'gators."

Fire services took a further two hours to cut Wymbough from the vehicle. She was charged with driving without due care and attention, failure to observe traffic signs, driving while talking on a cell phone, two counts of assaulting a police officer and a single federal charge of polluting a National Forest watercourse.

She may also face child protection charges after police discovered that prior to the incident she'd "accidentally" left her two young children at a roadside diner after becoming "distracted" by a local WTF2 radio advert for discounted designer shoes.

Wymbough is scheduled to appear before the court later today. Her defence attorney, Charlene W Pensacola, told local media: "My client was suffering from premenstrual issues at the time of this unfortunate series of events, and was travelling without her usual supply of evening primrose oil. She's very remorseful."

Happily, Wymbough's children were recovered safe and sound and are now in the custody of their father. Divorce proceedings are "imminent", a spokesman for Drexel Wymbough confirmed, as well as a lawsuit to recover the cost of the Mercedes and that of "the Miura Golf Retro Blade Irons which were in the vehicle's trunk and are now at the bottom of a lake". ®

Choosing a cloud hosting partner with confidence

More from The Register

next story
Facebook's Zuckerberg in EBOLA VIRUS FIGHT: Billionaire battles bug
US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention contacted as site supremo coughs up
Space exploration is just so lame. NEW APPS are mankind's future
We feel obliged to point out the headline statement is total, utter cobblers
Down-under record: Australian gets $140k for pussy
'Tiffany' closes deal - 'it's more common to offer your wife', says agent
Internet finally ready to replace answering machine cassette tape
It's a simple message and I'm leaving out the whistles and bells
FedEx helps deliver THOUSANDS of spam messages DIRECT to its Blighty customers
Don't worry Wilson, I'll do all the paddling. You just hang on
The iPAD launch BEFORE it happened: SPECULATIVE GUFF ahead of actual event
Nerve-shattering run-up to the pre-planned known event
Win a year’s supply of chocolate (no tech knowledge required)
Over £200 worth of the good stuff up for grabs
STONER SHEEP get the MUNCHIES after feasting on £4k worth of cannabis plants
Baaaaaa! Fanny's Farm's woolly flock is high, maaaaaan
Swiss wildlife park serves up furry residents to visitors
'It's ecological' says spokesman, now how would you like your Bambi done?
Red Bull does NOT give you wings, $13.5m lawsuit says so
Website letting consumers claim $10 cash back crashes after stampede
prev story

Whitepapers

Forging a new future with identity relationship management
Learn about ForgeRock's next generation IRM platform and how it is designed to empower CEOS's and enterprises to engage with consumers.
Why and how to choose the right cloud vendor
The benefits of cloud-based storage in your processes. Eliminate onsite, disk-based backup and archiving in favor of cloud-based data protection.
Three 1TB solid state scorchers up for grabs
Big SSDs can be expensive but think big and think free because you could be the lucky winner of one of three 1TB Samsung SSD 840 EVO drives that we’re giving away worth over £300 apiece.
Reg Reader Research: SaaS based Email and Office Productivity Tools
Read this Reg reader report which provides advice and guidance for SMBs towards the use of SaaS based email and Office productivity tools.
Security for virtualized datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.