Florida cops taser satnav lake plunge woman
'Premenstrual issues' blamed for loss of $100k Mercedes
April Fool Police were last week obliged to taser a 37-year-old mother of two who followed the satnav of her husband's $100k Mercedes into a Florida lake, the Ocala 'Gator reports.
Destry Wymbough, of Lynne, had been travelling eastbound on Highway 40 close to Ocala when she took an unscheduled right, followed a dirt road for two miles and, despite numerous warning signs, drove directly into the lake.
Sheriff John H Armblaugh, who responded to the incident, explained: "We got a call from Wymbough on her cellphone explaining she was 'stuck in a goddam lake'."
He continued: "When we eventually found her, she was stuck in there pretty good. She admitted she'd been talking on her cell to her Pilates instructor at the time of the incident and, although she conceded she may have been distracted, blamed the satellite navigation system for her predicament."
Things then took a turn for the worse for a "confrontational" Wymbough. Armblaugh said: "She's a big lady, to put it mildly, but when my deputies tried to prise her from the car with a couple of tire irons, she pepper-sprayed the guys."
Armblaugh was then obliged to taser the car's occupant. He insisted: "Well, she was either going to take a hit or we'd have had to leave her there for the 'gators."
Fire services took a further two hours to cut Wymbough from the vehicle. She was charged with driving without due care and attention, failure to observe traffic signs, driving while talking on a cell phone, two counts of assaulting a police officer and a single federal charge of polluting a National Forest watercourse.
She may also face child protection charges after police discovered that prior to the incident she'd "accidentally" left her two young children at a roadside diner after becoming "distracted" by a local WTF2 radio advert for discounted designer shoes.
Wymbough is scheduled to appear before the court later today. Her defence attorney, Charlene W Pensacola, told local media: "My client was suffering from premenstrual issues at the time of this unfortunate series of events, and was travelling without her usual supply of evening primrose oil. She's very remorseful."
Happily, Wymbough's children were recovered safe and sound and are now in the custody of their father. Divorce proceedings are "imminent", a spokesman for Drexel Wymbough confirmed, as well as a lawsuit to recover the cost of the Mercedes and that of "the Miura Golf Retro Blade Irons which were in the vehicle's trunk and are now at the bottom of a lake". ®
Never mind taser....
Harpoon the stupid bitch. Was it speaking in German to her?
I suspect not even 'gators would eat something that stupid in case they were polluted.
That may indeed be the case, but far more millions do not 'go mental' because of it.
Also, you'd have a hard time in court suggesting that 'Sorry yer honour, but I was suffering from a chemical imbalance and that made me go mad' or 'I'm sorry, my genetic makeup predisposes me to moronic acts of violence, so I'm not responsible.' (although BOTH of these are regularly attempted as defences!!)
Back in earlier ages they called it 'the vapours' or 'female hysteria', but we don't accept those as accurate any longer. I suspect in the future we'll say the same about PMT/PMS etc.
The excuse doesn't wash any more.
Men are expected to 'keep themselves under control', so in this age of equality I demand that women do the same.
*ducks before stuff starts getting chucked at him*
Paris, because she clearly has an imbalance.
tired of the PMS defence
Only used by women who don't want to admit they can't control their impulses or their temper. Millions of women function perfectly well every single day, no matter what their body is doing. Brings the reputation of women into disrepute. Life is hard enough.