Feeds

Enter if ye dare the Comment Dungeon

The week's shoutpourings put to the rack

Seven Steps to Software Security

Ah, Friday, the perfectly-formed posterior of the week. As I sit here surveying the many, many, many hundreds of web-bound hollerings that jostled for my attention this week in the comment threads, I'm inspired to throw a bone to you restless hordes (I said "hordes").

In this spirit, it is my dubious pleasure to invite you one and all to exert your puny arms and swing wide the creaking door of the Comment Dungeon, where the best bleatings of the week are treated to a nice flogging, and the feeblest are punished with a nice flogging. Are you sitting comfortably? Well, that won't do at all.

First up, one AC earns the Desert-dry wit of the week statuette for this deadpan assessment of the econopocalypse, as illustrated by the news of the British International Motor Show's cancellation.

With millions of people worldwide losing their job every month, before ya know it, the Gov will declare we are in an economic recession.

We may be staring into the infinite overdraft abyss, but no amount of recessionate glumness can douse the creative fires of Roger Lancefield, who was inspired by the Guns n' Roses album upload kerfuffle to formulate the beauteous Spectacularly convoluted file-sharing analogy of the week.

If someone wants to pull an open trolley with gold jewellery on it through crowded market places on a regular basis, he has no right to insist that the authorities force everyone in the market to wear straightjackets just so that his absurdly nickable product and daft behaviour remain viable.

This charming telly-format brainstorm on matters relating to the NYC model pandemonium incident earns my approval as Hairy-pitted feminist champion of the week. Right on, sister James O'Shea.

no, they're _not_ America's Next Top Hookers. They're not even New York State, or even New York City's Next Top Hookers. They might make Manhattan's Skankiest Hos... if they worked hard enough.

Bless. Dallying a while longer in ladyland, there were too many delightful utterances with regards the lesbian home insemination for me to possibly choose the best. It simply isn't fair. But as anyone who's ever found themselves on the pointy end of my censor-stick before should know, life isn't fair, and so you can shush your face and humbly bow to Greg Fleming, my anointed Mature adult of the week.

Ooooooh! Oooooooh! White wee-wee!!

Thank you Greg.

As we mused on the problem of Mormon smut-smiting, the Wank-inhibiting/encouraging cereal pun of the week rose proudly from the keyboard of this AC, who was disturbed to be reminded of the anti-masturbatory plottings of John Harvey Kellogg.

Thank you for introducing Mr. Kellog into this discussion.

I now have to try and get the thought of "pornflakes" out of my mind.

The coveted gong of Merciless typo extrapolation smackdown shenanigan of the week I am compelled to throw affectionately at the head of a commenter known only as Tony. Getting straight to the heart of the issue of Scientology and religion in general, he leapt bravely upon the fingerly snafu of an AC, who had previously intoned:

A lot of hollywood are in Scientology, and a lot of people are in Catholicism, quite a few pagans, a lot of Hindu, few into Jedi, then there are the agnostics, and the atheists, Mouslims, Republicans, Democrats it is just a shared belief forming a group.

Poor Tony must have wrestled with the pedantry-demon for some time before he succumbed and responded thus:

'Mouslims'

And yea, the great prophet Mousehammed did squeak : "Go forth my furry bretheren and multiply. Eat of the cheese that falls from heaven and those bits of food you find behind the cooker. Trust ye not the cats for they are servants of the evil one, Tom. Live as I have taught and one day ye might join the great one 'Jerry' in the big hole in the sky."

That's all very well, but it still doesn't answer the question of whether or not there is a Dog.

Seven Steps to Software Security

More from The Register

next story
Canuck reader threatens suicide over exact dimensions of SPAAAACE!
How many As? Reg hack's writing cops a shoeing
Delaware pair nabbed for getting saucy atop Mexican eatery
Burrito meets soft taco in alleged rooftop romp outrage
Japanese artist cuffed for disseminating 3D ladyparts files
Printable genitalia fall foul of 'obscene material' laws
Brit Rockall adventurer poised to quit islet
Occupation records broken, champagne corks popped
Apple: No, China. iPhone is NOT public enemy number 1
Beijing fears it could beam secrets back to America
Accused! Yahoo! exec! SUES! her! accuser!, says! sex! harassment! never! happened!
Allegations were for 'financial gain', countersuit claims
Carlos: Slim your working week to just three days of toil
'Midas World' vision suggests you retire later, watch more tellie and buy more stuff
prev story

Whitepapers

Top three mobile application threats
Prevent sensitive data leakage over insecure channels or stolen mobile devices.
The Essential Guide to IT Transformation
ServiceNow discusses three IT transformations that can help CIO's automate IT services to transform IT and the enterprise.
Mobile application security vulnerability report
The alarming realities regarding the sheer number of applications vulnerable to attack, and the most common and easily addressable vulnerability errors.
How modern custom applications can spur business growth
Learn how to create, deploy and manage custom applications without consuming or expanding the need for scarce, expensive IT resources.
Consolidation: the foundation for IT and business transformation
In this whitepaper learn how effective consolidation of IT and business resources can enable multiple, meaningful business benefits.