Feeds

Italians boffins prove plausibility of spam-javelin spam

Todger-stretch device actually works

Internet Security Threat Report 2014

Italian scientists appear to have taken an important step in proving that you really can "drive her wild with nine-inch length" and "make girls gasp when unzip flies" by proving that the Andropenis todger-stretch apparatus actually works.

According to the Telegraph, volunteers who tried out the penis-extending kit at the behest of the San Giovanni Battista Hospital at the University of Turin, "increased the length of their manhood by almost a third" over the period of a year.

The uni recruited 21 "highly motivated" chaps with an average age of 47 for its tests, in which they had to use the Andropenis - consisting of a plastic ring, two extender rods, and a silicone band to hold the penis in place - every day for six months. They were asked to start with 600 grams of traction for a month, rising progressively to 1,200 grams in month six. They were monitored for a further six months, by which time an average flaccid penis length of 2.82 inches had grown to 3.72 inches.

Urologist Dr Paolo Gontero confirmed: "Our study showed that the penile extender device produces an effective and durable lengthening of the penis, both in the flaccid and stretched state. If these results are confirmed by further research, we propose that the device should be used as a first-line treatment option for men seeking a penile lengthening procedure."

However, there are a couple of caveats here. Five of the volunteers failed to go the course for various reasons including "pain and penile bruising". Furthermore, customers looking for the claimed "girth increase of 0.6 inches" should note the study found "no significant increase" in babe-wowing width.

The Italian team's findings are published in today's edition of the British Journal of Urology International. ®

Bootnote

For further details on the Andropenis, check out the website. It's completely NSFW due to a rather crude animated photo sequence showing just how you put the thing on.

Choosing a cloud hosting partner with confidence

More from The Register

next story
MEN: For pity's sake SLEEP with LOTS of WOMEN - and avoid Prostate Cancer
And, um, don't sleep with other men. If that's what worries you
Voyager 1 now EIGHTEEN LIGHT HOURS from home
Almost 20 BEEELION kilometres from Sol
Jim Beam me up, Scotty! WHISKY from SPAAACE returns to Earth
They're insured for $1m, before you thirsty folks make plans
ROGUE SAIL BOAT blocks SPACE STATION PODULE blastoff
Er, we think our ISS launch beats your fishing expedition
Comet Siding Spring revealed as flying molehill
Hiding from this space pimple isn't going to do humanity's reputation any good
BAE points electromagnetic projectile at US Army
Railguns for 'Future fighting vehicle'
OK Google, do I have CANCER?
Company talks up pill that would spot developing tumors
LONG ARM of the SAUR: Brachially gifted dino bone conundrum solved
Deinocheirus mirificus was a bit of a knuckle dragger
prev story

Whitepapers

Why cloud backup?
Combining the latest advancements in disk-based backup with secure, integrated, cloud technologies offer organizations fast and assured recovery of their critical enterprise data.
Getting started with customer-focused identity management
Learn why identity is a fundamental requirement to digital growth, and how without it there is no way to identify and engage customers in a meaningful way.
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?
New hybrid storage solutions
Tackling data challenges through emerging hybrid storage solutions that enable optimum database performance whilst managing costs and increasingly large data stores.
Mitigating web security risk with SSL certificates
Web-based systems are essential tools for running business processes and delivering services to customers.