Man robs convenience store with Klingon sword
Revenge is a dish best served with Slurpee and microwave burrito
Colorado Springs police are on the lookout for a man who attempted to rob two 7-Eleven convenience stores early Wednesday with a Klingon bat'leth sword.
The first robbery was reported at about 2:00 AM after a man described as wearing a black mask, black jacket, and blue jeans entered the store brandishing the traditional Klingon crescent-shaped blade. After demanding money, the crook left with an undisclosed amount of cash and fled on foot, police said.
About a half hour later, police received another call from a 7-Eleven about 3 miles away, reporting an attempted robbery by a man matching the same description. This time, the clerk refused to pay, and the robber took flight - apparently with no regard for Klingon honor.
Both clerks were able to describe the weapon as a Star Trek Klingon-type sword according to the local media.
Obviously, their alarm didn't blind them to the elegance of its design. The bat'leth is a warrior's blade, crafted for precision and balance. According to stories passed down by Klingon clerics for generations, the first bat'leth was forged by Kahless the Unforgettable, who united the Klingon empire some 1,500 years ago after killing the tyrant Molor with the first bat'leth blade.
It is said he fashioned the weapon with his own hands by dropping a lock of his hair into the Kris'tak Volcana, bending it to its now-familiar lethal shape, and cooling the sword in the Lake of Lusor.
"It could be used as a dangerous weapon," understated Colorado Springs police officer Lt. David Whitlock to the local ABC affiliate. Doubtlessly, none of which have witnessed the brutal bat'leth competition held on Forcas III. "We didn't think it was a toy and neither did the victims, they felt threatened."
The suspect is described as a white male about 28 years old, 6-foot tall, with a medium build. He's probably a huge hit with the ladies. ®
Definitely NOT a bat'leth
... which means it might have been a usable weapon, and should be taken seriously. If it had been a bat'leth, the offender would probably have been beaten to death by a 5-yo tetraplegic kid (possibly wearing a blindfold). As sharp as it might be, the, erm, "traditional Klingon weapon" is as dangerous as the lightsaber I bought from W*ll-M*rt last week. No wield=no velocity=superficial cuts at most (if your opponent is naked). Plus the absolute lack of balance of the thing makes it a tiresome bitch of a weapon to handle (even as a defensive weapon). The only remotely "dangerous" versions are the rubber replicas. Klingons might be fierce warriors, but they sure are brain-dead when it comes to weapon design.
Mine is the one with the chainwhip and the warhammer.
Always, always ends bad for Zathras. But Zathras not mind, no.
Where's Kodos when you need him
So much cynicism and anger in such a short list of comments.
I'll have to second the ODFO.