Feeds

Unveiled: love tutor headphones

Shag-nav

Securing Web Applications Made Simple and Scalable

Sex toys have been around for years, but one’s now available that the manufacturer’s promised will boost your performance in bed and help overcome the dreaded brewer’s droop.

LoveTrainer

LoveTrainer: boost your bedroom performance with narration and music

The LoveTrainer’s essentially a pair of sporty headphones with an attached heart-rate monitor that fixes to your earlobe. This dictates the “sensual voice narration, dynamic rhythm and music” pumped into you during rumpy-pumpy.

For example, if you’re going at it hard and fast then you’ll hear fast-paced music and positive, driving narration, such as - and this is really what it says - "You are making love at a very good pace."

But if you’re not up to the job then the music’s pace will slow and you’ll hear messages like: "Your stamina will be evaluated." If you get too slow, you'll likely hear: "Please confirm the heart-rate sensor."

LoveTrainer’s also got a built-in safety system. If you try too hard then you’ll be told that “making love a bit more gentler would be perfect”.

Eventually, as she trots off to the bathroom and you reach for the tissues, the LoveTrainer will say: “Well done! Let’s make love more regularly."

The gadget will never be a wasted investment, either. Because even if you and your partner grow tired of nocturnal nookie, the cans feature an audio input so you can use them like regular headphones.

LoveTrainer is available now online for $80 (£56/€60). Batteries not included. ®

Application security programs and practises

More from The Register

next story
iPad? More like iFAD: We reveal why Apple fell into IBM's arms
But never fear fanbois, you're still lapping up iPhones, Macs
For Lenovo US, 8-inch Windows tablets are DEAD – long live 8-inch Windows tablets
Reports it's killing off smaller slabs are greatly exaggerated
Microsoft unsheathes cheap Android-killer: Behold, the Lumia 530
Say it with us: I'm King of the Landfill-ill-ill-ill
Cheer up, Nokia fans. It can start making mobes again in 18 months
The real winner of the Nokia sale is *drumroll* ... Nokia
Seventh-gen SPARC silicon will accelerate Oracle databases
Uncle Larry's mutually-optimised stack to become clearer in August
EU dons gloves, pokes Google's deals with Android mobe makers
El Reg cops a squint at investigatory letters
Apple orders huge MOUNTAIN of 80 MILLION 'Air' iPhone 6s
Bigger, harder trouser bulges foretold for fanbois
prev story

Whitepapers

Top three mobile application threats
Prevent sensitive data leakage over insecure channels or stolen mobile devices.
Implementing global e-invoicing with guaranteed legal certainty
Explaining the role local tax compliance plays in successful supply chain management and e-business and how leading global brands are addressing this.
Top 8 considerations to enable and simplify mobility
In this whitepaper learn how to successfully add mobile capabilities simply and cost effectively.
Application security programs and practises
Follow a few strategies and your organization can gain the full benefits of open source and the cloud without compromising the security of your applications.
The Essential Guide to IT Transformation
ServiceNow discusses three IT transformations that can help CIO's automate IT services to transform IT and the enterprise.