The Register® — Biting the hand that feeds IT

Feeds

Unveiled: love tutor headphones

Shag-nav

What you need to know about cloud backup

Sex toys have been around for years, but one’s now available that the manufacturer’s promised will boost your performance in bed and help overcome the dreaded brewer’s droop.

LoveTrainer

LoveTrainer: boost your bedroom performance with narration and music

The LoveTrainer’s essentially a pair of sporty headphones with an attached heart-rate monitor that fixes to your earlobe. This dictates the “sensual voice narration, dynamic rhythm and music” pumped into you during rumpy-pumpy.

For example, if you’re going at it hard and fast then you’ll hear fast-paced music and positive, driving narration, such as - and this is really what it says - "You are making love at a very good pace."

But if you’re not up to the job then the music’s pace will slow and you’ll hear messages like: "Your stamina will be evaluated." If you get too slow, you'll likely hear: "Please confirm the heart-rate sensor."

LoveTrainer’s also got a built-in safety system. If you try too hard then you’ll be told that “making love a bit more gentler would be perfect”.

Eventually, as she trots off to the bathroom and you reach for the tissues, the LoveTrainer will say: “Well done! Let’s make love more regularly."

The gadget will never be a wasted investment, either. Because even if you and your partner grow tired of nocturnal nookie, the cans feature an audio input so you can use them like regular headphones.

LoveTrainer is available now online for $80 (£56/€60). Batteries not included. ®

Cloud based data management

Latest Comments

For the Mac user version...

...it'll probably say something like "Stop that! You'll go blind.", or "Too much of that will give you hairy palms you know."

0
0

But does that little window ...

... display Strokes Per Minute?

Now if it could send automatic SMS messages to yer mates it could be REALLY useful!

0
0

More from The Register

 breaking news
Curtain drops on Apple Store ahead of WWDC: What lies behind?
Steve Jobs watching from on high. No pressure, lads
 breaking news
Cold, dead hands of Steve Jobs slip from iPhones: The Cult of Ive is upon us
Billionaire biz baron's death clears way for uber-shiny iOS 7
Microsoft in sexism strife again over XBOX rape joke
E3 demo used 'offensive' and 'inappropriate' language
Airbus imagines suitcases that find themselves
Point your mobe at your smalls to track their every move
Surprise! Intel smartphone trounces ARM in power trials
Tests show equal performance while sipping significantly less juice
Apple said to be 'exploring' 5.7-inch iPhone
Who's the copycat this time, Mr. Cook?
Review: Belkin Thunderbolt Express Dock
Missing Mac ports reunited, for a price
Australian 'Apple tax' repealed for MacBook Air
But the new MacPro is priced at a premium