Feeds

US smutmongers want big bucks bailout

We're losing wood, give us $5bn

Boost IT visibility and business value

Stateside pornographers have asked Congress to stump $5bn "to rejuvenate the sexual appetite of America" amid the increasing economic gloom which is apparently sapping Yanks' will to get their end away.

According to the Telegraph, the porn tin rattling is led by Hustler big swinging dick Larry Flynt, who's aligned himself with Girls Gone Wild smutmerchant Joe Francis. The pair reckon that if the powers that be are prepared to inject big bucks into the car and banking sectors, they should do the same for the bonking sector.

Francis said in a joint statement: "Congress seems willing to help shore up our nation's most important businesses, [and] we feel we deserve the same consideration. In difficult economic times, Americans turn to entertainment for relief. More and more, the kind of entertainment they turn to is adult entertainment."

That may be so, but Flynt warned that people were actually "too depressed to be sexually active", a sorry state of affairs he described as "very unhealthy as a nation". He noted: "Americans can do without cars and such, but they cannot do without sex."

Congress should, the pair insisted, help Americans regain wood by "supporting the adult industry and doing it quickly".

Sadly, Flynt and Francis appear to have scuppered their cunning plan before even presenting it to Congress. They confessed that "although DVD sales and rentals have dropped 22 per cent over the past year, online traffic has continued to grow". Their statement admitted: "The 13-billion-dollar industry is in no fear of collapse. But why take chances?"

Francis frankly concluded: "As long as the government is handing out money, we want to be there to take it." ®

Boost IT visibility and business value

More from The Register

next story
iPad? More like iFAD: We reveal why Apple fell into IBM's arms
But never fear fanbois, you're still lapping up iPhones, Macs
Sonos AXES support for Apple's iOS4 and 5
Want to use your iThing? You can't - it's too old
Amazon says Hachette should lower ebook prices, pay authors more
Oh yeah ... and a 30% cut for Amazon to seal the deal
Philip K Dick 'Nazi alternate reality' story to be made into TV series
Amazon Studios, Ridley Scott firm to produce The Man in the High Castle
Too many IT conferences to cover? MICROSOFT to the RESCUE!
Yet more word of cuts emerges from Redmond
Joe Average isn't worth $10 a year to Mark Zuckerberg
The Social Network deflates the PC resurgence with mobile-only usage prediction
Chips are down at Broadcom: Thousands of workers laid off
Cellphone baseband device biz shuttered
Feel free to BONK on the TUBE, says Transport for London
Plus: Almost NOBODY uses pay-by-bonk on buses - Visa
Twitch rich as Google flicks $1bn hitch switch, claims snitch
Gameplay streaming biz and search king refuse to deny fresh gobble rumors
prev story

Whitepapers

Implementing global e-invoicing with guaranteed legal certainty
Explaining the role local tax compliance plays in successful supply chain management and e-business and how leading global brands are addressing this.
Consolidation: The Foundation for IT Business Transformation
In this whitepaper learn how effective consolidation of IT and business resources can enable multiple, meaningful business benefits.
Backing up Big Data
Solving backup challenges and “protect everything from everywhere,” as we move into the era of big data management and the adoption of BYOD.
Boost IT visibility and business value
How building a great service catalog relieves pressure points and demonstrates the value of IT service management.
Why and how to choose the right cloud vendor
The benefits of cloud-based storage in your processes. Eliminate onsite, disk-based backup and archiving in favor of cloud-based data protection.