Those of you up there in the Scottish Highlands who are bracing for the expected -130°C big chill predicted yesterday by the Daily Star would do well to add Bedouin protective headgear to your inclement weather clothing checklist, if the BBC's five-day forecast for Aviemore is correct:

We have no doubt this is all down to global warming, the effects of which have previously been felt in Belfast, Leeds and London. Watch this space for updates on our beloved planet's decline into meteorological anarchy. ®

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