Feeds

Indulge your fecal fantasies with a doll that craps

"Uh-oh - I made a stinky!"

Eight steps to building an HP BladeSystem

Technology has brought many transcendent benefits to our culture, but possibly none have been as consummate in its exquisite magnificence as this holiday season's nonpareil of elegance, Baby Alive Learns to Potty, a child's doll that craps.

Surely this darling $60 dumper is the apotheosis of a dream first dreamed by Charles Babbage as he painstakingly constructed his pioneering Difference Engine in the 1830s. "Today a machine can calculate," he may have dared imagine, "Tomorrow it may think. And some day - we can only hope! - mankind will create a machine that can poop!"

And so it has.

Baby Alive Learns to Potty

The poop-generating scion of technology wedded to scatology

Available in Caucasian, African-American, and Hispanic flavors, Baby Alive Learns to Potty accomplishes her anthropomorphic post-alimentarian wonders after being fed "special food," which then traverses through her techno-tummy until it emerges - mirabile dictu! - exactly where you might imagine it would emerge.

Even more wondrous, as her creative creators breezily relate, "Since she’s 'potty training', she’ll also let you know when she needs to go. Better hurry, though! Put her on the potty and she’ll 'pee' and 'poop'. But if you don’t get there in time, you might hear her say, 'Oops. I had an accident!'"

At which point her diapers will need changing. Replacement six-packs are available for $4.99 - a tiny admission fee for the privilege of participating in such a momentous moment in microprocessor-enabled evolution.

And the itty-bitty shitty one speaks with such sagacity! Such eloquence! Perhaps, if you're fortunate, you may hear her utter her most heart-rending commentary on life's challenges: "Uh-oh - I made a stinky!"

Truly, haven't we all felt that way at times? ®

Boost IT visibility and business value

More from The Register

next story
Motorist 'thought car had caught fire' as Adele track came on stereo
'FIRE' caption on dashboard prompts dunderheaded hard shoulder halt
Delaware pair nabbed for getting saucy atop Mexican eatery
Burrito meets soft taco in alleged rooftop romp outrage
Japanese artist cuffed for disseminating 3D ladyparts files
Printable genitalia fall foul of 'obscene material' laws
Carlos: Slim your working week to just three days of toil
'Midas World' vision suggests you retire later, watch more tellie and buy more stuff
Brit Rockall adventurer poised to quit islet
Occupation records broken, champagne corks popped
Canuck reader threatens suicide over exact dimensions of SPAAAACE!
How many As? Reg hack's writing cops a shoeing
Accused! Yahoo! exec! SUES! her! accuser!, says! sex! harassment! never! happened!
Allegations were for 'financial gain', countersuit claims
prev story

Whitepapers

Seven Steps to Software Security
Seven practical steps you can begin to take today to secure your applications and prevent the damages a successful cyber-attack can cause.
Consolidation: The Foundation for IT Business Transformation
In this whitepaper learn how effective consolidation of IT and business resources can enable multiple, meaningful business benefits.
Designing a Defense for Mobile Applications
Learn about the various considerations for defending mobile applications - from the application architecture itself to the myriad testing technologies.
Build a business case: developing custom apps
Learn how to maximize the value of custom applications by accelerating and simplifying their development.
Consolidation: the foundation for IT and business transformation
In this whitepaper learn how effective consolidation of IT and business resources can enable multiple, meaningful business benefits.