Feeds

A sex show of truly Olympian proportions?

El Reg does Erotica 2008

Intelligent flash storage arrays

A sign of things to come - pun not intended – are developments in male masturbatory gadgets. The adult industry has finally worked out that there is a market for assisted self-stimulation that does not involve bicycle pumps and ludicrous inflatable dummies - which were remarkable for their absence from the show. Battle has been joined between the tenga system – essentially, a solid lump of plastic with a hole down the middle – and the Fleshlight – a solid torch-shaped outer tube containing a "soft, pliable Real Feel Super Skin" moulded into the shape of your favourite orifice.

The Fleshlight stand assailed anyone brave enough to visit it with a wall of differently-shaped holes and a seriously motivated demonstrator who squirted passers by with lubricant, before inviting them to "try one". With their fingers, of course.

However, if the £40+ price tag on these systems is off-putting, then the Monkeyspanker – bastard offspring of an egg separator and a table tennis bat with a hole in the middle - was available for around a third of the price.

For those without a heart condition, and who fancy passing a mild electric current through sensitive parts of their anatomy, the joys of electro-stimulation are now on offer. A basic system will set you back around £200.

Meanwhile, body casting is definitely on the up, with various artists immortalising bits of their models in metal or plaster of Paris. More narcissistic readers might be interested in the self-casting kit, which enables anyone impressed by the size or shape of their endowment to make it more widely available to their loved one as dildo, vibrator, or simple willy-shaped chocolate or candle.

Swinging is this year’s growth industry, with swinger clubs offering a choice of locations as banal as Bromley, or as exotic as the South of France and the Bahamas to any couples adventurous enough to try.

Erotica remains an interesting, if slightly soulless event. Although attendance was down on previous years, visitors did seem to be enjoying themselves and there was a good split of age, gender and orientation. This is not the preserve of the "dirty old man", but a grown-up event without too much trace of the embarrassedly British seaside postcard humour.

A sadder note was set by a stand extolling the virtues of Instead – an alternative system for dealing with periods. Our hearts went out to the solitary male attempting to sell this product under the seriously misjudged slogan "Menstruation can be fun".

Much preferable, as slogans go, was the one proudly proclaiming "Proper British Sausage". It belonged to a stall selling hot dogs – and very good they were, too. ®

Secure remote control for conventional and virtual desktops

More from The Register

next story
Holy vintage vehicles! Earliest known official Batmobile goes on sale
Riddle me this: are you prepared to pay US$180k?
'Open source just means big companies can steal your code.' O RLY?
Plus: Flame of the Week returns, for one night only!
'It is comforting to know where your data centres are.' UK.GOV does NOT
Plus: Anons are 'wannabes', KKK says, before being pwned
Hey, you, PHONE-FACE! Kickstarter in-car mobe mount will EMBED your phone into your MUG
Stick it on the steering wheel and wait for the airbag to fire
NEWSFLASH: It's time to ditch dullard Facebook chums
Everything hot in tech, courtesy of avian anchor Regina Eggbert
Criticism of Uber's journo-Data Analytics plan is an Attack on DIGITAL FREEDOM
First they came for Emil – and I'm damn well SPEAKING OUT
Bible THUMP: Good Book beats Darwin to most influential tome title
Folio Society crowns fittest of surviving volumes
U wot? Silicon Roundabout set to become Silicon U-BEND
Crap-spouting London upstarts to get permanent road closure
prev story

Whitepapers

Why cloud backup?
Combining the latest advancements in disk-based backup with secure, integrated, cloud technologies offer organizations fast and assured recovery of their critical enterprise data.
A strategic approach to identity relationship management
ForgeRock commissioned Forrester to evaluate companies’ IAM practices and requirements when it comes to customer-facing scenarios versus employee-facing ones.
Reg Reader Research: SaaS based Email and Office Productivity Tools
Read this Reg reader report which provides advice and guidance for SMBs towards the use of SaaS based email and Office productivity tools.
Internet Security Threat Report 2014
An overview and analysis of the year in global threat activity: identify, analyze, and provide commentary on emerging trends in the dynamic threat landscape.
Top 5 reasons to deploy VMware with Tegile
Data demand and the rise of virtualization is challenging IT teams to deliver storage performance, scalability and capacity that can keep up, while maximizing efficiency.