And presumably cocked and fully loaded.

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.

Now I know how Dolmio make their Carbonare sauce...

Paris: Because, well, just because.

Anyway it was the jar's fault for being so damn sexy.

"parked in a no-stopping zone near Nobby's Beach"

Irony at its best.

Words fail me on this one.

Quite a day out for that mentalist.

When's YOUR Dolmio day?

Mines the one with a Ragu jar in the pocket.

I'm cumming officer...errr....

Mine's the one with the Jam jar in the pocket

Whensa youra Dolmio Day ?

75mm.....

Radius, diameter, circumference or depth?

What a corking typo. Bravo!

LMFHO!

What a Tosser / jerk / wanker!

I think 750ml - the size of the jar, not the contents.

"Weatherley gamely insisted on continuing to pleasure himself "between bouts of wrestling""

That's dedication for you - I'm impressed. I would take my hat off to the man, but one never knows what he may try and do with it.

Was that 75 (or 750) mm the depth of the jar, or the diameter of its aperture? Or half its circumference, which is how they measure condoms, apparently, though they call it "diameter" or "width", confusingly?

A search of Weatherley's motor uncovered "pornography, a homemade sex aid, women's stockings and a Jack Russell terrier".

Its the way they mention the do that worries me.

750mm and a jack russel is a poor jack russel.

...the jar was probably 750ml.

I reckon it was 750ml... But please, recognised units. How many swimming pools?

....possibly to lick the pasta sauce off his meatballs.

Can we now introduce a Jack Russell icon?

I know.....I know.... I'm going now......

Exploded Cardinal reads sermon from fishtank.

Since he didnt stop jerking off while they were beating him could be argued he was getting sexual pleasure from it. So were they an accessory to his offensive behaviour?

What a wanker!

Mine's the one with a copy of playboy in the inside pocket

Point... lol....

I got a AU$695 fine for speeding (40 in a 20 zone, which is what the speed limit is when there is a school bus with lights flashing!) last time I visited relatives in OZ

If they go and call a beach "Nobby" then its hardly surprising that the occasional Ozzie makes a perfectly understandable mistake.

Paris, because she wouldn't have to think twice either.

They caught him by the organ.

What a cracking story (sorry)

Come on.

That's if your God happens to be the all-powerful FSM.

Does it not say in the wholly (made-up) gospel - in the book of Dolmio, Chapter II, Verse 7:

"And yay, I have tasted of his salty balls, and they did nourish me;

I have enveloped my membership in his tomatoey firmament, and thus I was cleansed."

It's all there if you'd only open your eyes and read it and it must be true because it's (now) written down.

Did we all catch it? Jon Double Nice didn't. So here are the original storylines:

Accountant caught with fingers in the petty cash - type of thing. A frequent alternative is where shop girl occurs in the accountant position, and till in the petty cash position.

You won't find this class of jiggery-pokery in the Sun (very often).

Does this story have a "happy ending"? Was it seized (the jar I mean) for evidence?

size isn't everything

Did he have Jack Russell on his breath?

You didn't get good value, did you?

Remember to pack the Dolmio next time...

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2008/07/31/oz_speeding_driver/

And I thought Aussie were just a little bit nuts.

Strictly for research, you understand ;-)

Even better, at the far end of Nobbys Beach is a lump of rock called Nobbys Head.

You just can't make this stuff up!

Quote-The law enforcement operatives identified "a 750mm** jar around his penis" and said Weatherley gamely insisted on continuing to pleasure himself "between bouts of wrestling".

A search of Weatherley's motor uncovered "pornography, a homemade sex aid, women's stockings and a Jack Russell terrier".- Unquote

I laughed so much I could hardly breathe after reading that!

"Bouts of wrestling" *chuckle*

"homemade sex aid" *chuckle chuckle*

"jack russell terrier" *die of laughter*

IT? who gives a fuck?!

Would have been funnier if he'd been up the road a bit at Nobby's Head instead.

Oh, and for the trivia buffs.... Nobby's Beach was where the Pasha Bulker had a rather long and unplanned stay last year.

Oh yes you can! Otherwise it would be called "that beach with the nameless lump of rock at one end".

"What's the Jack Russel for"?

Quite the coincidence that the police decided that he must of had a weapon because his hands were on his lap... Also quite a coincidence that he decided to choose a place nearby Nobby Beach with a jar of what has been mutually agreed as a Dolmio jar.What they also neglected to mention was the bag of Nobby's Nuts in the glove compartment, most likely salted.

Also a coincidence that he took the 'no stopping zone' part of where he was parked too literally and continued even whilst being beaten by police with batons. Did he derive pleasure from this beating, or was he possessed of such drive and focus that it was like hitting an adult Male Rhino with a broken chair leg?

He had WHAT inside Uncle Bens?

Sorry...