Feeds

Nokia Siemens Networks in 'synergy-related headcount restructuring'

9,000 culled to the sound of whalesong

Security for virtualized datacentres

We're absolutely delighted to announce that Nokia Siemens Networks is in the final stage of its 'synergy-related headcount restructuring' in which a total of 9,000 workers are culled to the sound of whalesong.

Yup, this must rate as one of the greatest euphemisms ever for showing employees the door, and just to demonstrate how keen Nokia Siemens Networks is on the phrase, check out this press release on the matter.

Highlights include: "Nokia Siemens Networks has completed the preliminary planning process to identify the proposed remaining headcount reductions necessary to reach its previously announced synergy-related headcount adjustment goal."

There's more: "To date, the company has achieved an adjustment of more than 6,000 employees and continues to expect a total synergy-related adjustment of approximately 9,000 employees."

Oh go on then, let's have a quote from Simon Beresford-Wylie, chief executive officer of Nokia Siemens Networks: “With the successful completion of these plans, we will have the vast majority of the synergy-related headcount reductions completed and we can then start to put this chapter of our history behind us and focus on creating a world-class company.”

Not had enough synergy? Cue Bosco Novak, head of human resources at Nokia Siemens Networks: “It is our goal to engage constructively with employee representatives in Finland, Germany and other countries to quickly and fairly achieve these needed changes so we are able to remove the ongoing uncertainty that our employees have about synergy-related headcount reductions.”

Enough. We were going to count just how many times the press release uses the word "synergy", but for some reason completely lost the will to live about halfway down. We're off to the pub now, for some synergy-related reduction in the contents of pint glasses full of beer. ®

Bootnote

Thanks to Mike Richards for the tip-off.

Free Webinar: Getting the most from Synergy-related Headcount Restructuring

Reducing the cost and complexity of web vulnerability management

More from The Register

next story
Oi, London thief. We KNOW what you're doing - our PRECRIME system warned us
Aye, shipmate, it be just like that Minority Report
WRISTJOB LOVE BONANZA: justWatch sex app promises blind date hookups
Mankind shuffles into the future, five fingers at a time
Every billionaire needs a PANZER TANK, right? STOP THERE, Paul Allen
Angry Microsoftie hauls auctioneers to court over stalled Pzkw. IV 'deal'
Apple's Mr Havisham: Tim Cook says dead Steve Jobs' office has remained untouched
'I literally think about him every day' says biz baron's old friend
Cops apologise for leaving EXPLOSIVES in suitcase at airport
'Canine training exercise' SNAFU sees woman take home booming baggage
Flaming drone batteries ground commercial flight before takeoff
Passenger had Something To Declare, instead fiddled while plane burned
prev story

Whitepapers

Secure remote control for conventional and virtual desktops
Balancing user privacy and privileged access, in accordance with compliance frameworks and legislation. Evaluating any potential remote control choice.
WIN a very cool portable ZX Spectrum
Win a one-off portable Spectrum built by legendary hardware hacker Ben Heck
Intelligent flash storage arrays
Tegile Intelligent Storage Arrays with IntelliFlash helps IT boost storage utilization and effciency while delivering unmatched storage savings and performance.
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?
Beginner's guide to SSL certificates
De-mystify the technology involved and give you the information you need to make the best decision when considering your online security options.