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BBC has newsgasm over Obama's dog

Goldendoodle or pitbull? Hmmm...

Internet Security Threat Report 2014

Those of you who believe the BBC is inexorably drifting away from hard-hitting, insightful journalism in favour of lowest-common-denominator populist piffle will be relieved to know there's still one reporter out there willing to file essential analysis of today's key issues.

And today's key issue is, of course, just what kind of dog will be the White House's next canine incumbent, following Barack Obama's tear-jerking acceptance speech pledge to his two daughters that they would indeed get the puppy they were promised if he became prez of the US of A.

Cue an in-depth report, in which labradoodles, schnoodles and cockapoos are walked around the block as possible residents of the Washington doghouse, while hackette Laura Smith-Spark ponders the delicate issue of the wrong choice possibly mounting the legs of visiting VIPs.

To cut to the chase, the bookies' fave appears to be a rescue centre goldendoodle, and by co-incidence Tamar Geller*, "a California-based celebrity dog 'life coach' who trained Oprah Winfrey's puppies", has one hanging around her shelter programme, Another Chance For Love.

She reckons Obama's people have already touched base with her people over the "gorgeous" canine, and presumably the pooch is currently being vetted for possible al-Qaeda or Republican sympathies as Secret Service spooks provoke it with a life-size cardboard cut-out of Nic Sarko to see if it attempts to clamp its laughing gear round the French prez's 'nads.

Oh yes, and then there's the matter of the name. Apparently, "some internet First Pet-watchers are already bandying about such monikers as Lipstick or Palin", should the animal actually turn out to be a pitbull, or "McCain", in the event it's a Vietnamese Phu Quoc.

Other nominations include "Arnie" for a gay-tailed Österreichischer Pinscher, "Boomer" for an Afghan hound, "Carla" for a French poodle and, finally, "Guantanamo", if the beast proves so dangerous it has to be kept permanantly caged. ®

Bootnote

*Ms Geller quite brilliantly describes the perfect White House mutt thus: "We need to make sure that the dog is not afraid of loud noises because he may hear loud arguments in the Oval Office, and he mustn't be afraid of people with beards and turbans and so on because he is going to meet a lot of foreign dignitaries."

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