Feeds

What Ray Ozzie didn't tell you about Microsoft Azure

Behind the whiteboard of confusion

Securing Web Applications Made Simple and Scalable

Fail and You Unveiled earlier this month at Microsoft's Professional Developer Conference by Chief Whiteboard Operator Ray Ozzie, the Azure Services Platform confused damn near everyone. But after days of collaboration with the top minds in both industry and academia, El Reg is proud to announce that we have finally figured out what Microsoft Azure is.

The Azure Services Platform is a clusterfuck of software that can be broken down into four basic parts: Windows Azure, .NET Services, SQL Services, and Live Services. To get a general idea of what each is, you should probably read the sixteen-page white paper. It is designed to compete with Amazon's Web Services and Google's App Engine - that is, once it gets over one slight hitch: tl;dr.

The Four Letters of the Apocalypse

tl;dr stands for “too long; didn't read,” and it is going to change communication as we know it. Product managers at both Amazon and Google have figured out what tl;dr means to their respective businesses, but the idea is clearly lost on Microsoft. When a developer is evaluating different hosted computing platforms for his next application, the merits of each one are decided by how well they are explained:

Amazon EC2: We have a lot of servers, and we run Xen on them. You get virtual machines.

Google App Engine: Run your Python code on our machines. You can use our scalable database, too, but you need to learn how it works.

Microsoft Azure: OK, so first there's this operating system called Windows Azure that your apps are going to run on and will also be your development environment. There's some data storage that goes along with that, but it's not very useful, so we have the SQL Service. That doesn't really give you SQL, but something sorta similar. Ignore it for now. Still with me? There's also .NET Services that lets you connect applications together somehow, and Live Services because we needed something to keep Ray Ozzie busy. Wrap that all up, tape it together with some C# programming, and that's the platform.

Fortunately for Microsoft, decision makers don't choose a hosted application platform based on specifications. They choose based on the number of stock photos of clouds and the amount of sans-serif blue typeface you have on your webpage. In that regard, Redmond is the clear winner.

Bridging the IT gap between rising business demands and ageing tools

More from The Register

next story
NO MORE ALL CAPS and other pleasures of Visual Studio 14
Unpicking a packed preview that breaks down ASP.NET
Cheer up, Nokia fans. It can start making mobes again in 18 months
The real winner of the Nokia sale is *drumroll* ... Nokia
Mozilla fixes CRITICAL security holes in Firefox, urges v31 upgrade
Misc memory hazards 'could be exploited' - and guess what, one's a Javascript vuln
Put down that Oracle database patch: It could cost $23,000 per CPU
On-by-default INMEMORY tech a boon for developers ... as long as they can afford it
Google shows off new Chrome OS look
Athena springs full-grown from Chromium project's head
Apple: We'll unleash OS X Yosemite beta on the MASSES on 24 July
Starting today, regular fanbois will be guinea pigs, it tells Reg
HIDDEN packet sniffer spy tech in MILLIONS of iPhones, iPads – expert
Don't panic though – Apple's backdoor is not wide open to all, guru tells us
prev story

Whitepapers

Designing a Defense for Mobile Applications
Learn about the various considerations for defending mobile applications - from the application architecture itself to the myriad testing technologies.
Implementing global e-invoicing with guaranteed legal certainty
Explaining the role local tax compliance plays in successful supply chain management and e-business and how leading global brands are addressing this.
Top 8 considerations to enable and simplify mobility
In this whitepaper learn how to successfully add mobile capabilities simply and cost effectively.
Seven Steps to Software Security
Seven practical steps you can begin to take today to secure your applications and prevent the damages a successful cyber-attack can cause.
Boost IT visibility and business value
How building a great service catalog relieves pressure points and demonstrates the value of IT service management.