Feeds

1,400 Yahooligans perish as Yang raids needle cabinet

Maybe he shouldn't have bought all this s**t

The essential guide to IT transformation

Fail and Yahoo! Yahoo! is firing a bunch of people to cut $400 million from its budget. That sucks for the people who work there, but the entrepreneurs and venture capitalists who hustled Yahoo! out of more than $2.5 billion in the last 4 years probably aren't terribly concerned.

In the typical American fashion, Yahoo! bought a bunch of shit it didn't need with money it didn't have. That, of course, was no problem at the time because the stock market always goes up, and they get a fuck-ton of airline miles every time they buy a Web 2.0 startup. In the other typical American fashion, the sharks took advantage of Yahoo!'s poor financial sense and engineered a little bit of the old redistribution of wealth - namely distributing Yahoo's wealth across their pockets.

I love this country.

Sorry You Lost Your Job, But These Guys Got Rich

Oddpost - Because Gmail Is Hard

On April 1, 2004, Google launched the first beta of GMail. This was one time when the word revolutionary was actually appropriate, at least in the context of web-based e-mail. It didn't exactly solve world hunger, but it caused Yahoo! to freak the fuck out and pay upwards of $30 million for a ten-man startup called Oddpost a couple months later. Oddpost became the new version of Yahoo! Mail, and the world breathed a sigh of relief.

VerdiSoft - The Ghost In The Machine

VerdiSoft was a company that did something with mobile phone syncing. It's some way to sync your office shit to the numerous mobile gadgets you have because you have no interpersonal relationships and need to fill the void with material possessions. VerdiSoft never actually shipped a product, but Yahoo never believed products to be important. What is important, though, is spending $58 million on a startup you'll just roll into Yahoo! Mobile.

Maven Networks - Still Trying To Make Online Video Profitable

Google realized that it was making the other publicly traded companies look bad, so in 2006, it bought YouTube as a solid loss-leader to even off its balance sheet. Still wanting to run with the big dogs, Yahoo pissed away $160 million on Maven Networks two years later. Maven does something with video platforms or some shit. Fantastic.

You Can Probably ReFi That Sucker In A Few Years

Yahoo! spent billions more on other stuff too. Funny, none of these "investments" prevented them from laying off their staff.

The goal of Web 2.0 was to get users first, then figure out how to make money off of them. Well, at least that's what you tell your investors. In reality, the goal is more like "get users, and hope to get acquired and become somebody else's problem." For Silicon Valley, this really is self-destructive behavior, with Yahoo! being the enabling friend who brings us clean needles from his job as an orderly. Sure, he's not intervening like a true friend would, trying to get us into rehab, but he feels like he's helping because we're still disease-free.

Well, hospital administration just figured out that Yahoo! has been raiding the supply cabinet. Looks like we're fucked now. ®

Ted Dziuba is a co-founder at Milo.com You can read his regular Reg column, Fail and You, every other Monday.

Copyright © 2008 uncov. All Rights Reserved.

Next gen security for virtualised datacentres

More from The Register

next story
6 Obvious Reasons Why Facebook Will Ban This Article (Thank God)
Clampdown on clickbait ... and El Reg is OK with this
No, thank you. I will not code for the Caliphate
Some assignments, even the Bongster decline must
Caught red-handed: UK cops, PCSOs, specials behaving badly… on social media
No Mr Fuzz, don't ask a crime victim to be your pal on Facebook
Barnes & Noble: Swallow a Samsung Nook tablet, please ... pretty please
Novelslab finally on sale with ($199 - $20) price tag
Ballmer leaves Microsoft board to spend more time with his b-balls
From Clippy to Clippers: Hi, I see you're running an NBA team now ...
Banking apps: Handy, can grab all your money... and RIDDLED with coding flaws
Yep, that one place you'd hoped you wouldn't find 'em
Video of US journalist 'beheading' pulled from social media
Yanked footage featured British-accented attacker and US journo James Foley
Call of Duty daddy considers launching own movie studio
Activision Blizzard might like quality control of a CoD film
Primetime precrime? Minority Report TV series 'being developed'
I have to know. I have to find out what happened to my life
prev story

Whitepapers

A new approach to endpoint data protection
What is the best way to ensure comprehensive visibility, management, and control of information on both company-owned and employee-owned devices?
Implementing global e-invoicing with guaranteed legal certainty
Explaining the role local tax compliance plays in successful supply chain management and e-business and how leading global brands are addressing this.
Maximize storage efficiency across the enterprise
The HP StoreOnce backup solution offers highly flexible, centrally managed, and highly efficient data protection for any enterprise.
How modern custom applications can spur business growth
Learn how to create, deploy and manage custom applications without consuming or expanding the need for scarce, expensive IT resources.
Next gen security for virtualised datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.