http://www.llapgoch.org.uk/

That's all I have to say

Even a master of the noble Welsh art is powerless against:

http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Ecky-Thump

Unless you have a bigger one, in which case smash their face in.

If Chuck Norris sneered in the general direction of the Shaolin Temple Kung Fu Monks, and they would all turn to stone on the spot;

This Ex-Israeli Special Forces Commando would have no chance!

Chuck Norris doesn't need no coat! The cold eminates from him!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Morris_men

And no, it's not men with an interest in old cars.

To dress like that and prance down a street in England, shows a total fearlessness, a love of violence, and poor fashion sense.

Pretty much all of the martial arts are mired in petty in-fighting and general bitch-(slap)-iness.

Mine's the one with the throwing knives in the inside pocket(s).

http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/A649749

versus Optimus Prime - Playmobil time I think.

Trial by single combat! Bring it on, ye krav maga wussies! Me penguin'll send yas packin'.

Arrrh!

There is no one TV today that wasn't in the 'elite' special forces or whatever.

It's funny though the guys (and possibly girls these days) that did/still do those jobs never tend to talk about it and with good reason, there are rules.

I worked for a defence contractor and met a detachment and I found how so many were on TV...they were PT trainers.

Paris....because she is all real!

And it took a long time before I found out about it from them.

If they are quick to talk/brag about it, they are probably bullshitting.

Paris, 'cos she knows all about going undercover, commando, etc.....

Regardless of the kind of training received,or the style of martial art, there is no man more fearless than a Glaswegian on a Friday night with ten pints inside him ( 'course it doesn't mean he'll win though).

Defence against guns, knives and baseball bats? I learnt the following rules for dealing with such;

Guns;

1. Run Away

2. If you can't do 1, give up

3. If you can't do 2, accept you're probably going to die and have a go

Knives;

1. Run Away

2. If you can't do 1, give up

3. If you can't do 2, accept you're probably going to get badly hurt, and have a go

Baseball bats;

1. Run away

2. etc. etc.

We practised running away a lot.

...have started many wars, have conquered many enemies, have defeated many heavily-armed, hugely outnumbering foes...oh wait a minute, no, no they haven't. Oh well. I'd rather learn a system of martial arts from Switzerland, at least they've been *close* to a proper war, with only a toy knife to protect them instead of 500 gigabazillion dollars' worth of free army, navy and air force gear from America. My Mum could kick anyone's arse with that kind of arsenal. It's easy being tough when some giant super-power's got your back.

Did you hear about the botanist who placed a Moss Ad?

I'll get me' coat...

Aaaaannnnd *cue* death threats.