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Paris ups sticks to London

'I'm much happier here', coos talented heiress

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Here's some excellent news for El Reg's enormous Paris Hilton fanbase: The extravagantly talented heiress has declared she's decamping to London, having already spent a month here slumming it in a £7,500-a-month Hampstead pad while filming a show for MTV.

Ms Hilton cooed to the Daily Mail: "I love it here, I am going to move here permanently. I have already been here for a month and am much, much happier here."

Our Paris has wasted no time marking her new territory. She recently swanned about at a "sumptuous soirée" at designer Nicky Haslam's ancestral home in Roehampton where she mixed with the likes of former royal squeeze Sarah Ferguson.

However, an outing to a swanky Mayfair nightclub ended in disappointment when she failed to "attract the attentions of Princes William and Harry" - which translates as "they royally dissed her bony ass".

Hilton's presence in the capital will partially fill Blighty's obligatory resident American celeb quota, now that Madonna is reportedly planning to jump ship to New York following her split from gangsta geeza Guy Ritchie.

Should the amateur grumble flick star fail in her attempt to attract a royal mate and flee sobbing back to LA, we'd like to nominate Lindsay Lohan for the next US Celebutard Ambassador to the UK. ®

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